Can We Fix It? Yes We can!

I’ve been cleaning up a lot of messes lately – the product of little boys more focused on destruction than construction. One recent disaster resulted from a war waged with Styrofoam weapons they fashioned from a large box of packing materials awaiting garbage pickup.

I spent several hours with a vacuum sucking little white foam dots out of the garage and our house. Nothing was safe from that hose. I even vacuumed my kids – it was the only way I could get those clingy little beads out of their hair.

Despite my vacuuming prowess, Styrofoam snow continues to appear everywhere. In our beds, washing machine, yard, my neighbor’s house and virtually the entire block. Apparently Styrofoam is like hair, you pluck one and two more come out for its funeral.

The next day, my wrecking crew took to the basement with a rousing round of toy dumping. Every parent’s favorite. If it was plastic or wood and made in China, it was on my floor -- hundreds of disparate pieces.

While evaluating the damage, a shattered basement window I had discovered earlier in the week stared me in the face. I know I heard it say, “Don’t kid yourself lady. The damage has just begun.”

During a few moments of calm before his nap, my four-year-old and I had the first in what promises to be a series of talks about being a builder not a breaker. As we were discussing ways to be constructive rather than destructive, it dawned on me that this behavior – the urge to break down rather than build up – is hardly limited to children.

We see it in our work places, where people often choose to criticize or deflate rather than applaud the work of coworkers or the intentions of their boss.

We see it among friends, neighbors or acquaintances who choose to let jealousy rather than joy rule their reaction when good things happen to someone else.

And we certainly see it in politics. So polarized and competitive are today’s political parties that it’s a rare and notable occasion when one side reacts positively to a smart policy decision or idea from the opposing party.

In both children and adults, our actions are a clear and personal choice. We choose to be constructive or destructive, and live with the results. This is what I’m hoping my children learn.

There’s one obvious difference between the destruction caused by kids and adults however. Adults typically harm a person rather than a pile of plastic toys. And the damage can’t be fixed by a few hours of sorting or vacuuming.

As I sat with my earnest little pre-schooler, my mind flashed to him as teenager. I remembered the pack of young men my husband and I heard tipping over garbage dumpster’s downtown recently, and I imagined any number of dangerous and destructive behaviors that will tempt him throughout his life.

Driving cars or motorcycles just a little bit too fast. Dating girls just a little too fast. Alcohol, drugs, violence, pornography.

All of a sudden, my frustration over the messy Styrofoam, mixed-up toys and broken window seemed ridiculous. And I had the overwhelming urge to surround my son with Legos and spend the afternoon promoting the advantages of construction vs destruction. Maybe I should throw in a little Bob the Builder, just for good measure.

“Can we fix it? Yes we can!”