My husband called me on Saturday morning while he was away on business. “Hey, what are you doing?” I asked.
“Having coffee in Times Square,” he responded glibly.
I stood in my faded flannel p.j.s, surrounded by dirty dishes and noisy kids, and looked out my window into a gray sky and barren white field of snow. I imagined spending the day eating and people watching my way through Manhattan, soaking in the sights, sounds, tastes, people and experiences in New York City that are like no other place on earth.
As I stood at my window, I pondered the contrast between the winter landscape in my view and the stimulating scene my husband was living that moment in New York. And I wondered, how realistic is it to think, that someone who grew up in a big city like that can learn to love life in small town North Dakota?
We learned last week about a couple, Michael and Jeanette Tristani, who tried. The allure of free land drew them from Miami to Hazelton, N.D., four years ago. But they are pulling the plug on the experiment and going back to Florida.
The story focused heavily on dramatic claims of being run out of town by unwelcoming locals, but the couple has said repeatedly the biggest reason they are returning to Florida is to care for aging parents. The fact they didn’t feel they fit in at Hazelton probably sealed their decision.
The story was picked up by media outlets nationwide. It’s the kind of tale people on the coasts love to read to support their stereotype about Midwesterners – that we blindly cling to our guns and our religion, unwilling to accept new ideas, new people or change of any kind.
Hazelton has actually worked harder than most small North Dakota towns to change its destiny. Ironically, their aggressive attempt to alter their course might ultimately make them the poster child for the stubborn, dying small town -- something comedians and politicians reference in one-liners about close mindedness.
This is the kind of story that sticks in the brains of people who don’t remember anything else about North Dakota. That’s really unfortunate. But perhaps the story might trigger some worthwhile discussions in our communities.
Whether or not Hazelton was at fault (and facts reported since the original story suggest they weren’t) this story speaks to one of North Dakota’s biggest challenges. How do we attract and retain people to sustain our communities and grow our economy while maintaining the qualities we love about this state?
Many of our rural communities are losing the struggle to create a new identity beyond traditional agriculture which can no longer fully sustain them. Yet our low unemployment and growth opportunities in many industries provide an opportunity now to recruit people to our state.
We might be well served to reflect on how welcoming we are. How open are we to people who look different and have a very different world view? What are we doing to help them find a place in our communities?
North Dakota won’t be a match for everyone. The contrast for folks from Miami or New York might be too extreme. But people who desire to live in our state and integrate into our communities should receive a warm welcome from us and find in North Dakota a safe, comfortable and friendly new home.
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
And the Survey Says....
I recently conducted an unscientific study in which I surveyed about 50 friends regarding their thoughts on romance. The questions I asked are below, followed by their responses broken out into the three categories.
1. What is the most romantic thing someone has ever done for you? I’ll let you decide who that “someone” is, and you needn’t reveal that in your answer. But, it needs to be printable. Sorry but no smut!
2. What is the most romantic thing someone COULD do for you – in other words, start dreamin’. What’s your idea of romance? Again, printable please!
3. Finally, if you care to share your idea of the least romantic gesture that was intended to be romantic, feel free.
Most Romantic Memories
He puts toothpaste on my toothbrush every morning and night (really, whoever brushes first does the toothpaste for the other - we have done this for 10 years). Just a small remembrance of taking care of each other!
When he goes to bed before I do, he lays on my side of the bed to warm my sheets.
He picked me up from the airport with a picnic supper and a cute card to have at a park for the evening - wine included.
When I was hosting tons of family for Christmas, he came home with a beautiful winter bouquet - roses, star gazer lilies, baby's breath - for the centerpiece. The reason that was so romantic is 1) I knew how much he felt flowers are overpriced. 2) He had to have picked them out himself secretly - so he thought of it ahead of time 3) I had once told him how cool I thought it was that my Grandpa always bought a flower centerpiece for the hostess of a holiday. Whether it was my grandpa, or my aunt, or whomever it was a grand/sweet/thoughtful gesture.
Pam bought me a message, and then surprised me by showing up at the spa and joining me for a steam shower and a couples message. Another time, for my 40th birthday, she surprised me with a quick getaway day to Fargo. We stayed at the Hotel Donaldson and had dinner and drinks at the Hodo.
He once brought me flowers and brownies he made from scratch to school and left it in my classroom. I was really touched because he worked so hard to get it all together. It was a complete surprise because Valentines Day was not usually on his list of important days to celebrate.
A romantic gesture is something that is personally meaningful to only you. So chocolates and flowers aren't romantic because it's not personalized. For example, my husband knows that I LOVE sauerkraut and sausage but never make it for myself. I found it romantic when he saw the cafeteria menu for the day featuring my favorite and called me at work to ask me to come for lunch.
Everyone wants to have a romantic proposal story. Here's ours: sitting on a park bench we saw this incredible falling star. He said, "You know what I wish?" I said, "What?” He said, “I wish you'd marry me.” And the rest is history.
One day, out of the blue, I got a box of cookies on my desk (from that "someone") with a note wishing me a great day.
He made me a list of the things he loved about me.
We are going to see Michael Buble in concert in Winnipeg in August. I cannot wait! My husband isn’t really a fan, but knows that I have been dying for him to go with me to one of his concerts if he ever went on tour close to Bismarck.
5th anniversary. She gave me a coffee table book of the 500 greatest golf holes. As I paged through the pictures there was a card marking the 12th hole of Augusta National. The card was an invitation to play Augusta National which is the dream of every golfer. She had a good friend who’s father was a member and was able to give me a once in a lifetime golf trip.
I'm not into all that dorky demonstrative stuff. We go running together at the lake. How's that for a headline?
He bought me a ring one time on Santa Monica. The ring was really cool, it had a painting by Hundertwasser on it, there's a museum all about him in Vienna. The problem: it was the second time in a year that I'd received a ring from him that was way too big. I lost it eventually... Argh. Still, the ring purchase was quite a romantic gesture.
I am just as bad with the romance as my husband although I did buy him a heart-shaped coffee mug last week that has conversation hearts painted all over it. That's the extent of our red hot romantic gestures over here. Too risqué for your article?
The most loving thing that someone has done for me is planned a surprise 30th birthday party for me that included all of the important people in my life. I had no idea beforehand.
Surprised me with a weekend getaway, made all the arrangements and just told me to pack whatever I needed and wisked me away...Obviously that was before we had kids!!
Prepared a seven course gourmet meal for me.
ON a trip to the ocean, we got up early and went for a walk by ourselves on the beach. It was beautiful. Barefoot in the sand.
One time many years ago, for my 30th birthday, beautiful roses and a romantic night out for dinner. It was the greatest birthday ever.
Being romantic is an ideal that is blown out of proportion, especially on Valentine's Day. I think it puts way too much pressure on the man to do something that a woman may or may not see as perfect. To me, being romantic is showing that you care. I think when my husband helps me around the house by cleaning up after dinner, folding clothes, helping the kids with homework, and always being there for me when I need him is romantic. It can't be easy to work full time then come home when you are tired and help where needed unless you care. That's romantic! I'm a pretty practical person, not a dreamer. It is so easy to get carried away wishing for something that may be just a dream.
Most romantic thing anyone every did was to make sure the kids were taken care of, got a nice bottle of wine, and allowed us some time to visit and reconnect. Wasn't even a special occasion, but she made it special.
When we were dating he called me and told me to get dressed up and that was all he said. A little while later he was picking me up in a limo. We drove around for awhile and drank a bottle of wine and then went out for dinner.
My husband left Post-Its with little love notes on them all over the house. I couldn’t stop smiling!
My future husband at the time and I attended a company Christmas party at a cheesy hotel in Grand Forks. Bad music, bad food, horrible ambience, but he picked up on the fact that the only thing I was eating were the peanuts out of the party Chex mix. The rest of the night he proceeded to separate the peanuts out from the Chex mix for me and made sure I had my own stash of peanuts. It’s a memory that I come back to time and time again and always puts a smile on my face. I’m sure he doesn’t even remember but made an impact with me
My aneurysm necklace to celebrate one year post-first surgery, celebrating life and its journey. Have never taken it off in five years. It’s like another wedding band.
My wife made reservations at a restaurant which happens to be my favorite place to spend time with her. She did this for Valentine’s Day, which was something I understood to be my responsibility. She took the initiative to assist with a busy schedule, and was pleased to do it!!
The most romantic - was when I got my wedding ring. He had baked a cake for me and gave it to my sister so she could bring it to the bank when we had coffee. I opened up the cake and on the frosting was written. “Will you marry me? He took a piece of the cake out and replaced it with the ring in the box wrapped in cellophane, and frosted the cake. So I had to "find" the ring.
The most romantic act was after he asked me to marry him he gave me a puzzle that had a promise written on the back of it for me. I had to put the puzzle together to retrieve the message.
"Lisa Kozel, This is my commitment to you. As God as my witness, I promise to love and cherish you all the days of my life. I will be faithful in mind, body and soul. I will be your partner, best friend and confidant and lover. Life is sometimes a puzzle and we will have to work hard to piece things together. I promise you that I will do my part! Let us never give up putting our puzzle together. You want to hug me, you want to kiss me, you want to marry me? I LOVE YOU! We placed this puzzle with the promise facing our bed in our bedroom.
Knowing that I don’t like to waste money on flowers, but still enjoy their beauty, my husband took advantage of a beautiful rose bush growing in our yard and picked a nice little bouquet, arranged them and had them waiting for me along with a nice clean house. That he went through the trouble to not only pick the flowers, but arrange them in a vase for me was really special.
A boyfriend I had once took me to one of those photobooth things, where you stand behind a curtain and take funny pictures and then they print out in a long strip 5 minutes later. Anyway, we got our pictures taken and then a day later I gave him a cheap frame, that would hold two of the little square images, never thinking he would actually put the pictures in it. But he did, and then he put it on his nightstand, which was both surprising and sweet.
The most romantic thing I ever received was a simple gift. It was a framed photo of her, her children, and me at a ball game. It was romantic because of the simplicity....a photo of me with the three people I treasured the most. While the relationship didn't work out in the end....it was a gift I will never forget. When I received it, it made this stoic guy teary eyed.
He let me borrow his nice car for a trip and had a little note for me and a CD in the stereo set to play “my song.”
He leaves me notes every morning before he heads out to the farm. I look forward to them every morning!!
She spent an entire day from dawn to dusk with me and dogs doing the thing I love and enjoy the most - hunting pheasants and a little bonus frolic in the field.
A quiet night of conversation with good friends, candles, a glass of wine and soft music.
It appears to me that there are three essential parts to the most romantic thing:
1. It takes time and energy to form
2. It’s creative.
3. It expresses your love.
DREAM GESTURES
No TV, nice music, warm, rain drop massage.
Plan a fun getaway or adventure for us that's a complete surprise.
Take me on a surprise weekend get-away. He’d pick me up from work with all my bags packed!
Cooking a meal for me --just once!
Make me something (anything... a card, a chair, a cup, anything he took time to make and made just for me).
Plan a surprise night out from start to finish, including the babysitter, based on what I would love to do, not just what he likes and what we tend to do. I would rather have a fun activity, such as mini golfing, shopping for something special together, visiting an exhibit, etc. than just going out to dinner and possibly a movie.
The most romantic thing my spouse can do for me is to make intimacy a priority.
To not see any dirty dishes in the sink in the morning that clearly were used and not put in the dishwasher AFTER I went to bed the night before and had the kitchen cleaned.
Plan a fun day (and night) together and have all of it be a surprise. It doesn’t have to be anything expensive or extravagant. It is more about the fact that someone put thought into planning a day they know you will enjoy.
I would just LOVE to come home and have the house sparkling clean, laundry done, maybe even supper on the table!
If he would plan a surprise trip for just the two of us.
The most romantic thing would be to do something with me (with kids or not) and just be able to enjoy it.
Put together a surprise special event for me…..like arrange for some girlfriends and I to go to Mpls or NYC or someplace like that for a weekend .
With two young kids and a very busy job, any weekend away (just the two of us) would be pretty darn romantic.
I would love to have her line up a weekend getaway for the two of us. Surprise me with tickets to New York or Chicago to see some shows and do some site seeing.
Romantic idea: he lines up the babysitter, picks a restaurant I like, eat in shared courses that we split - so you're not so full but get some of each thing. Then we something out of the ordinary - just a walk by the river, or geocaching, or bowling - or whatever! Not a movie.
I guess I’m pretty easy because right now I think it would just be helping or doing the dinner dishes, and going to a movie, or for a chat at Barnes and Noble.
A lingering kiss gives me butterflies, and holding my hand would be welcomed as well, but only because he wants to, not because he feels like I want him to!
I think I would like an entirely planned out, super relaxing vacation, but I know I would still worry and think about the kids too much. Maybe that will be at a later stage in our marriage.
I know this sounds sad, but to be able to come home one evening and do absolutely nothing! No laundry, no making dinner, fighting with kids. Be able to snuggle up on my bed, with my favorite blanket and movie with no interruptions. If I could snuggle with him that would be even better, but if he kept the kids away, I would be alright with that!
Probably planning/taking me on a trip somewhere fantastic and the itinerary would include an all inclusive spa.
My idea of romance: Husband and I, margaritas in hand on the deck of our house, late summer, talking, sans kids
I’ve had homebaked goodies wrapped up and placed in my study carol at law school, I think there was a sappy unsigned card with it (I thought that was sweet, but again I still liked the guy A
ROMANTIC FLOPS
Loud bar filled with TV's blaring of ballgames
Flowers and chocolate.
Buying a gift out of pure obligation which obviously has no thought into it.
I worked at a coffee shop in college. One day, a regular customer cornered me in the parking lot after my shift and told me he was taking me out to dinner. Yes, told me. "I am taking you out to dinner." Umm okay. He then "let" me choose where we were going to eat. I asked if he liked barbeque and he said yes. So I suggested Famous Dave's. I meet him there, we sit down, and he informs me that he's a vegetarian, so he's not going to eat anything. Before the food arrives (I convinced him to order the onion blossom) his phone rings on 4 separate occasions. Later, he asks me if I want to go to his apartment and look at his treadmill. I say no. A few minutes after that, he drops this: (keep in mind it's July), "When does the Fargo pro hockey team play?" me, "I don't know, December or January?" "Oh, well, when they play, do you want to go with me?"
And THEN, at the end of the so-called date, he asks, "So, what would you like to do tomorrow night?" I tell him, as kindly as possible, that there won't be a tomorrow night. "Why, was it something I said?" The entire evening was like a theatre production of someone being as non-romantic as possible.
The least romantic gesture has to be the acts or gifts that the giver enjoys more - Nascar tickets or new kitchen appliances.
Least romantic............ It was our FIRST Christmas with our NEW 1 month old daughter. My husband had purchased a new video camera the day she was born. When it came time to decorate the Christmas tree, we were listening to Christmas music as he had been taping throughout the evening. He decided to set up the tripod and put the camera on timer, so we could all be in the video. The baby was sitting in her baby seat in the middle of the couch, I was sitting on one side of her, he set the timer and ran back to the couch, sat down quickly, put a smile on his face and when the green light came on, he said, “This is our first Christmas with our beautiful 1 month old baby, Terra, and my lovly wife, Joan.” My mouth dropped open as I quickly looked at him. "WHAT?" he corrected himself. Joan was his OLD girlfriend.
I came home from work one day and there in the laundry room was a new washer and dryer with a huge red bow wrapped around both of them.
Least romantic: married to a very methodical person, fortunately/unfortunately, every action is thought out to the fullest with potential impact, looked at from all sides. The curse of the accountant.
My husband was on a business trip and kept telling me he was bringing me back some gifts. My husband is what you might call resourceful (not cheap), so I didn’t get too excited but was still eager to see what he picked out. It turned out the “gifts” he was referring to were a coffee cup (I didn’t drink coffee at the time, but he did) and a cap (in his size, not mine). I was not impressed and still haven’t let him forget it!!
Bought me underwear (that I didn't like or need) for Christmas...Yes, this happened on our first Christmas together. He has come along way. Not sure if they were meant to be romantic or not, but they definitely WERE NOT!!
Suggesting he would propose using the same engagement ring his previous fiance had returned to him when they broke up. That's right, classy.
Just last week we got the 3 boys to bed, sat down with a cocktail, and I expected nice music and a good conversation. On goes the TV and we are live at the XGames!
When we were dating and I made him Christmas cookies. My mom said to spread some egg white over the tops so they'd be shiny and the colored sugar would stick. But the egg white was just gloppy and gross and disgustingly raw-eggish. It's the thought that counts, right? My baking skills haven't improved any yet either!
I think I might be the expert in this area. I’ve had (all different!) guys do some weird things. The things that come to mind are one configuring his body to take self-timed pictures of himself in the shape of the letters spelling out “I Love You”, with those pics pasted on a poster board and presented to me with flowers. I’ve had dinner in the parking lot outside of my workplace, complete with small grill and flowers and tablecloth, in order to try to incite me to date him longer. I’ve had gifts placed in or on my car for a two week period from a guy trying to woo me back (didn’t work – I just thought he was a stalker). I’ve received a homemade tape of songs that reminded him of me (this one I actually did like, maybe because I still liked the guy).
The least romantic gesture: If my husband took me out for Valentine's and gave me flowers, a nice dinner, incredible dessert, movie...whatever....and then forget about me until the next Valentine's Day. That would make me and angry spouse. Romance should happen every day by appreciating one another.
When I was in college, my boyfriend at the time, took me out for supper on Valentines Day at the Fortune Cookie in Minot. When we got our bill it came with two fortune cookies like usual. When I opened & read mine it said “Will you marry me?” It was not from him. The waitress had messed up & gave us the wrong cookies. It was intended for the couple sitting at the table next to us. It was pretty funny for us, but I felt bad for the guy who had gone to all that work.
1. What is the most romantic thing someone has ever done for you? I’ll let you decide who that “someone” is, and you needn’t reveal that in your answer. But, it needs to be printable. Sorry but no smut!
2. What is the most romantic thing someone COULD do for you – in other words, start dreamin’. What’s your idea of romance? Again, printable please!
3. Finally, if you care to share your idea of the least romantic gesture that was intended to be romantic, feel free.
Most Romantic Memories
He puts toothpaste on my toothbrush every morning and night (really, whoever brushes first does the toothpaste for the other - we have done this for 10 years). Just a small remembrance of taking care of each other!
When he goes to bed before I do, he lays on my side of the bed to warm my sheets.
He picked me up from the airport with a picnic supper and a cute card to have at a park for the evening - wine included.
When I was hosting tons of family for Christmas, he came home with a beautiful winter bouquet - roses, star gazer lilies, baby's breath - for the centerpiece. The reason that was so romantic is 1) I knew how much he felt flowers are overpriced. 2) He had to have picked them out himself secretly - so he thought of it ahead of time 3) I had once told him how cool I thought it was that my Grandpa always bought a flower centerpiece for the hostess of a holiday. Whether it was my grandpa, or my aunt, or whomever it was a grand/sweet/thoughtful gesture.
Pam bought me a message, and then surprised me by showing up at the spa and joining me for a steam shower and a couples message. Another time, for my 40th birthday, she surprised me with a quick getaway day to Fargo. We stayed at the Hotel Donaldson and had dinner and drinks at the Hodo.
He once brought me flowers and brownies he made from scratch to school and left it in my classroom. I was really touched because he worked so hard to get it all together. It was a complete surprise because Valentines Day was not usually on his list of important days to celebrate.
A romantic gesture is something that is personally meaningful to only you. So chocolates and flowers aren't romantic because it's not personalized. For example, my husband knows that I LOVE sauerkraut and sausage but never make it for myself. I found it romantic when he saw the cafeteria menu for the day featuring my favorite and called me at work to ask me to come for lunch.
Everyone wants to have a romantic proposal story. Here's ours: sitting on a park bench we saw this incredible falling star. He said, "You know what I wish?" I said, "What?” He said, “I wish you'd marry me.” And the rest is history.
One day, out of the blue, I got a box of cookies on my desk (from that "someone") with a note wishing me a great day.
He made me a list of the things he loved about me.
We are going to see Michael Buble in concert in Winnipeg in August. I cannot wait! My husband isn’t really a fan, but knows that I have been dying for him to go with me to one of his concerts if he ever went on tour close to Bismarck.
5th anniversary. She gave me a coffee table book of the 500 greatest golf holes. As I paged through the pictures there was a card marking the 12th hole of Augusta National. The card was an invitation to play Augusta National which is the dream of every golfer. She had a good friend who’s father was a member and was able to give me a once in a lifetime golf trip.
I'm not into all that dorky demonstrative stuff. We go running together at the lake. How's that for a headline?
He bought me a ring one time on Santa Monica. The ring was really cool, it had a painting by Hundertwasser on it, there's a museum all about him in Vienna. The problem: it was the second time in a year that I'd received a ring from him that was way too big. I lost it eventually... Argh. Still, the ring purchase was quite a romantic gesture.
I am just as bad with the romance as my husband although I did buy him a heart-shaped coffee mug last week that has conversation hearts painted all over it. That's the extent of our red hot romantic gestures over here. Too risqué for your article?
The most loving thing that someone has done for me is planned a surprise 30th birthday party for me that included all of the important people in my life. I had no idea beforehand.
Surprised me with a weekend getaway, made all the arrangements and just told me to pack whatever I needed and wisked me away...Obviously that was before we had kids!!
Prepared a seven course gourmet meal for me.
ON a trip to the ocean, we got up early and went for a walk by ourselves on the beach. It was beautiful. Barefoot in the sand.
One time many years ago, for my 30th birthday, beautiful roses and a romantic night out for dinner. It was the greatest birthday ever.
Being romantic is an ideal that is blown out of proportion, especially on Valentine's Day. I think it puts way too much pressure on the man to do something that a woman may or may not see as perfect. To me, being romantic is showing that you care. I think when my husband helps me around the house by cleaning up after dinner, folding clothes, helping the kids with homework, and always being there for me when I need him is romantic. It can't be easy to work full time then come home when you are tired and help where needed unless you care. That's romantic! I'm a pretty practical person, not a dreamer. It is so easy to get carried away wishing for something that may be just a dream.
Most romantic thing anyone every did was to make sure the kids were taken care of, got a nice bottle of wine, and allowed us some time to visit and reconnect. Wasn't even a special occasion, but she made it special.
When we were dating he called me and told me to get dressed up and that was all he said. A little while later he was picking me up in a limo. We drove around for awhile and drank a bottle of wine and then went out for dinner.
My husband left Post-Its with little love notes on them all over the house. I couldn’t stop smiling!
My future husband at the time and I attended a company Christmas party at a cheesy hotel in Grand Forks. Bad music, bad food, horrible ambience, but he picked up on the fact that the only thing I was eating were the peanuts out of the party Chex mix. The rest of the night he proceeded to separate the peanuts out from the Chex mix for me and made sure I had my own stash of peanuts. It’s a memory that I come back to time and time again and always puts a smile on my face. I’m sure he doesn’t even remember but made an impact with me
My aneurysm necklace to celebrate one year post-first surgery, celebrating life and its journey. Have never taken it off in five years. It’s like another wedding band.
My wife made reservations at a restaurant which happens to be my favorite place to spend time with her. She did this for Valentine’s Day, which was something I understood to be my responsibility. She took the initiative to assist with a busy schedule, and was pleased to do it!!
The most romantic - was when I got my wedding ring. He had baked a cake for me and gave it to my sister so she could bring it to the bank when we had coffee. I opened up the cake and on the frosting was written. “Will you marry me? He took a piece of the cake out and replaced it with the ring in the box wrapped in cellophane, and frosted the cake. So I had to "find" the ring.
The most romantic act was after he asked me to marry him he gave me a puzzle that had a promise written on the back of it for me. I had to put the puzzle together to retrieve the message.
"Lisa Kozel, This is my commitment to you. As God as my witness, I promise to love and cherish you all the days of my life. I will be faithful in mind, body and soul. I will be your partner, best friend and confidant and lover. Life is sometimes a puzzle and we will have to work hard to piece things together. I promise you that I will do my part! Let us never give up putting our puzzle together. You want to hug me, you want to kiss me, you want to marry me? I LOVE YOU! We placed this puzzle with the promise facing our bed in our bedroom.
Knowing that I don’t like to waste money on flowers, but still enjoy their beauty, my husband took advantage of a beautiful rose bush growing in our yard and picked a nice little bouquet, arranged them and had them waiting for me along with a nice clean house. That he went through the trouble to not only pick the flowers, but arrange them in a vase for me was really special.
A boyfriend I had once took me to one of those photobooth things, where you stand behind a curtain and take funny pictures and then they print out in a long strip 5 minutes later. Anyway, we got our pictures taken and then a day later I gave him a cheap frame, that would hold two of the little square images, never thinking he would actually put the pictures in it. But he did, and then he put it on his nightstand, which was both surprising and sweet.
The most romantic thing I ever received was a simple gift. It was a framed photo of her, her children, and me at a ball game. It was romantic because of the simplicity....a photo of me with the three people I treasured the most. While the relationship didn't work out in the end....it was a gift I will never forget. When I received it, it made this stoic guy teary eyed.
He let me borrow his nice car for a trip and had a little note for me and a CD in the stereo set to play “my song.”
He leaves me notes every morning before he heads out to the farm. I look forward to them every morning!!
She spent an entire day from dawn to dusk with me and dogs doing the thing I love and enjoy the most - hunting pheasants and a little bonus frolic in the field.
A quiet night of conversation with good friends, candles, a glass of wine and soft music.
It appears to me that there are three essential parts to the most romantic thing:
1. It takes time and energy to form
2. It’s creative.
3. It expresses your love.
DREAM GESTURES
No TV, nice music, warm, rain drop massage.
Plan a fun getaway or adventure for us that's a complete surprise.
Take me on a surprise weekend get-away. He’d pick me up from work with all my bags packed!
Cooking a meal for me --just once!
Make me something (anything... a card, a chair, a cup, anything he took time to make and made just for me).
Plan a surprise night out from start to finish, including the babysitter, based on what I would love to do, not just what he likes and what we tend to do. I would rather have a fun activity, such as mini golfing, shopping for something special together, visiting an exhibit, etc. than just going out to dinner and possibly a movie.
The most romantic thing my spouse can do for me is to make intimacy a priority.
To not see any dirty dishes in the sink in the morning that clearly were used and not put in the dishwasher AFTER I went to bed the night before and had the kitchen cleaned.
Plan a fun day (and night) together and have all of it be a surprise. It doesn’t have to be anything expensive or extravagant. It is more about the fact that someone put thought into planning a day they know you will enjoy.
I would just LOVE to come home and have the house sparkling clean, laundry done, maybe even supper on the table!
If he would plan a surprise trip for just the two of us.
The most romantic thing would be to do something with me (with kids or not) and just be able to enjoy it.
Put together a surprise special event for me…..like arrange for some girlfriends and I to go to Mpls or NYC or someplace like that for a weekend .
With two young kids and a very busy job, any weekend away (just the two of us) would be pretty darn romantic.
I would love to have her line up a weekend getaway for the two of us. Surprise me with tickets to New York or Chicago to see some shows and do some site seeing.
Romantic idea: he lines up the babysitter, picks a restaurant I like, eat in shared courses that we split - so you're not so full but get some of each thing. Then we something out of the ordinary - just a walk by the river, or geocaching, or bowling - or whatever! Not a movie.
I guess I’m pretty easy because right now I think it would just be helping or doing the dinner dishes, and going to a movie, or for a chat at Barnes and Noble.
A lingering kiss gives me butterflies, and holding my hand would be welcomed as well, but only because he wants to, not because he feels like I want him to!
I think I would like an entirely planned out, super relaxing vacation, but I know I would still worry and think about the kids too much. Maybe that will be at a later stage in our marriage.
I know this sounds sad, but to be able to come home one evening and do absolutely nothing! No laundry, no making dinner, fighting with kids. Be able to snuggle up on my bed, with my favorite blanket and movie with no interruptions. If I could snuggle with him that would be even better, but if he kept the kids away, I would be alright with that!
Probably planning/taking me on a trip somewhere fantastic and the itinerary would include an all inclusive spa.
My idea of romance: Husband and I, margaritas in hand on the deck of our house, late summer, talking, sans kids
I’ve had homebaked goodies wrapped up and placed in my study carol at law school, I think there was a sappy unsigned card with it (I thought that was sweet, but again I still liked the guy A
ROMANTIC FLOPS
Loud bar filled with TV's blaring of ballgames
Flowers and chocolate.
Buying a gift out of pure obligation which obviously has no thought into it.
I worked at a coffee shop in college. One day, a regular customer cornered me in the parking lot after my shift and told me he was taking me out to dinner. Yes, told me. "I am taking you out to dinner." Umm okay. He then "let" me choose where we were going to eat. I asked if he liked barbeque and he said yes. So I suggested Famous Dave's. I meet him there, we sit down, and he informs me that he's a vegetarian, so he's not going to eat anything. Before the food arrives (I convinced him to order the onion blossom) his phone rings on 4 separate occasions. Later, he asks me if I want to go to his apartment and look at his treadmill. I say no. A few minutes after that, he drops this: (keep in mind it's July), "When does the Fargo pro hockey team play?" me, "I don't know, December or January?" "Oh, well, when they play, do you want to go with me?"
And THEN, at the end of the so-called date, he asks, "So, what would you like to do tomorrow night?" I tell him, as kindly as possible, that there won't be a tomorrow night. "Why, was it something I said?" The entire evening was like a theatre production of someone being as non-romantic as possible.
The least romantic gesture has to be the acts or gifts that the giver enjoys more - Nascar tickets or new kitchen appliances.
Least romantic............ It was our FIRST Christmas with our NEW 1 month old daughter. My husband had purchased a new video camera the day she was born. When it came time to decorate the Christmas tree, we were listening to Christmas music as he had been taping throughout the evening. He decided to set up the tripod and put the camera on timer, so we could all be in the video. The baby was sitting in her baby seat in the middle of the couch, I was sitting on one side of her, he set the timer and ran back to the couch, sat down quickly, put a smile on his face and when the green light came on, he said, “This is our first Christmas with our beautiful 1 month old baby, Terra, and my lovly wife, Joan.” My mouth dropped open as I quickly looked at him. "WHAT?" he corrected himself. Joan was his OLD girlfriend.
I came home from work one day and there in the laundry room was a new washer and dryer with a huge red bow wrapped around both of them.
Least romantic: married to a very methodical person, fortunately/unfortunately, every action is thought out to the fullest with potential impact, looked at from all sides. The curse of the accountant.
My husband was on a business trip and kept telling me he was bringing me back some gifts. My husband is what you might call resourceful (not cheap), so I didn’t get too excited but was still eager to see what he picked out. It turned out the “gifts” he was referring to were a coffee cup (I didn’t drink coffee at the time, but he did) and a cap (in his size, not mine). I was not impressed and still haven’t let him forget it!!
Bought me underwear (that I didn't like or need) for Christmas...Yes, this happened on our first Christmas together. He has come along way. Not sure if they were meant to be romantic or not, but they definitely WERE NOT!!
Suggesting he would propose using the same engagement ring his previous fiance had returned to him when they broke up. That's right, classy.
Just last week we got the 3 boys to bed, sat down with a cocktail, and I expected nice music and a good conversation. On goes the TV and we are live at the XGames!
When we were dating and I made him Christmas cookies. My mom said to spread some egg white over the tops so they'd be shiny and the colored sugar would stick. But the egg white was just gloppy and gross and disgustingly raw-eggish. It's the thought that counts, right? My baking skills haven't improved any yet either!
I think I might be the expert in this area. I’ve had (all different!) guys do some weird things. The things that come to mind are one configuring his body to take self-timed pictures of himself in the shape of the letters spelling out “I Love You”, with those pics pasted on a poster board and presented to me with flowers. I’ve had dinner in the parking lot outside of my workplace, complete with small grill and flowers and tablecloth, in order to try to incite me to date him longer. I’ve had gifts placed in or on my car for a two week period from a guy trying to woo me back (didn’t work – I just thought he was a stalker). I’ve received a homemade tape of songs that reminded him of me (this one I actually did like, maybe because I still liked the guy).
The least romantic gesture: If my husband took me out for Valentine's and gave me flowers, a nice dinner, incredible dessert, movie...whatever....and then forget about me until the next Valentine's Day. That would make me and angry spouse. Romance should happen every day by appreciating one another.
When I was in college, my boyfriend at the time, took me out for supper on Valentines Day at the Fortune Cookie in Minot. When we got our bill it came with two fortune cookies like usual. When I opened & read mine it said “Will you marry me?” It was not from him. The waitress had messed up & gave us the wrong cookies. It was intended for the couple sitting at the table next to us. It was pretty funny for us, but I felt bad for the guy who had gone to all that work.
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
Survey Reveals Common Ground on Romance
February is a month for melting away the winter blues with some red hot romance. So I asked about 50 men and women to share three things: memories of their most romantic moments, their biggest flops and romantic dreams waiting to be realized.
“For our 5th anniversary, my wife gave me a coffee table book of the 500 greatest golf holes. As I paged through the pictures there was a card marking the 12th hole of Augusta National. The card was an invitation to play Augusta National, which is the dream of every golfer.”
What a cool gift. That was the most extravagant story. Several told of touching marriage proposals:
“After he asked me to marry him he gave me a puzzle that had a promise written on the back of it. I had to put the puzzle together to retrieve the message. ‘…Life is sometimes a puzzle and we will have to work hard to piece things together. I promise you that I will do my part! Let us never give up putting our puzzle together…’”
A vast majority of the most memorable romantic moments, however, were simple things made meaningful by their thoughtfulness: putting toothpaste on a toothbrush every night, helping with laundry or the dishes, making arrangements for a babysitter, posting love notes around the house.
• My husband brought me flowers and brownies he made from scratch and left them in my classroom.
• She spent an entire day from dawn to dusk with me and dogs doing the thing I love and enjoy the most - hunting pheasants.
• My husband picked a nice little bouquet of roses from our yard, arranged them and had them waiting for me along with a nice clean house.
I received dozens of responses and most of them cost little or nothing.
Among the most common romantic flops revealed were “dates” in front of the TV watching sports, obligatory gifts like flowers or chocolate, and gifts the giver enjoys more, like Nascar tickets or kitchen appliances. I once gave my husband nice sheets for his birthday -- the “sheetiest” gift ever.
The Archie Bunker award for worst romantic gesture goes to the guy who said he would propose using the same engagement ring his previous fiance had returned to him when they broke up.
Another romantic flop was just plain sad. My friend opened a fortune cookie at a Chinese restaurant that read, “Will you marry me.” The poor guy at the table text to her had special ordered that cookie to complete his Valentine’s Day proposal. The waitress delivered it to the wrong table.
Survey participants were fairly unanimous about the most desired romantic gestures. Topping this list, for men and women, is a surprise, pre-arranged trip or outing. Other popular gestures include a surprise clean house, a date doing something other than dinner and a movie, or anything homemade.
One man said the most romantic thing his wife can do is make intimacy a priority. I suspect many others would embrace this honest answer.
A couple things about this exercise surprised me. The response rate was really high, nearly 75 percent. People clearly enjoyed thinking about and sharing their romantic memories.
I didn’t expect so many men to respond. And I was surprised by the overall simplicity of the things people found most touching or desirable.
We’re told that men are from Mars and women are from Venus. But when it comes to romance, it seems both genders stand squarely on Earth. What we long for most are thoughtful expressions that demonstrate our loved one knows, understands and appreciates us.
“For our 5th anniversary, my wife gave me a coffee table book of the 500 greatest golf holes. As I paged through the pictures there was a card marking the 12th hole of Augusta National. The card was an invitation to play Augusta National, which is the dream of every golfer.”
What a cool gift. That was the most extravagant story. Several told of touching marriage proposals:
“After he asked me to marry him he gave me a puzzle that had a promise written on the back of it. I had to put the puzzle together to retrieve the message. ‘…Life is sometimes a puzzle and we will have to work hard to piece things together. I promise you that I will do my part! Let us never give up putting our puzzle together…’”
A vast majority of the most memorable romantic moments, however, were simple things made meaningful by their thoughtfulness: putting toothpaste on a toothbrush every night, helping with laundry or the dishes, making arrangements for a babysitter, posting love notes around the house.
• My husband brought me flowers and brownies he made from scratch and left them in my classroom.
• She spent an entire day from dawn to dusk with me and dogs doing the thing I love and enjoy the most - hunting pheasants.
• My husband picked a nice little bouquet of roses from our yard, arranged them and had them waiting for me along with a nice clean house.
I received dozens of responses and most of them cost little or nothing.
Among the most common romantic flops revealed were “dates” in front of the TV watching sports, obligatory gifts like flowers or chocolate, and gifts the giver enjoys more, like Nascar tickets or kitchen appliances. I once gave my husband nice sheets for his birthday -- the “sheetiest” gift ever.
The Archie Bunker award for worst romantic gesture goes to the guy who said he would propose using the same engagement ring his previous fiance had returned to him when they broke up.
Another romantic flop was just plain sad. My friend opened a fortune cookie at a Chinese restaurant that read, “Will you marry me.” The poor guy at the table text to her had special ordered that cookie to complete his Valentine’s Day proposal. The waitress delivered it to the wrong table.
Survey participants were fairly unanimous about the most desired romantic gestures. Topping this list, for men and women, is a surprise, pre-arranged trip or outing. Other popular gestures include a surprise clean house, a date doing something other than dinner and a movie, or anything homemade.
One man said the most romantic thing his wife can do is make intimacy a priority. I suspect many others would embrace this honest answer.
A couple things about this exercise surprised me. The response rate was really high, nearly 75 percent. People clearly enjoyed thinking about and sharing their romantic memories.
I didn’t expect so many men to respond. And I was surprised by the overall simplicity of the things people found most touching or desirable.
We’re told that men are from Mars and women are from Venus. But when it comes to romance, it seems both genders stand squarely on Earth. What we long for most are thoughtful expressions that demonstrate our loved one knows, understands and appreciates us.
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