My husband called me on Saturday morning while he was away on business. “Hey, what are you doing?” I asked.
“Having coffee in Times Square,” he responded glibly.
I stood in my faded flannel p.j.s, surrounded by dirty dishes and noisy kids, and looked out my window into a gray sky and barren white field of snow. I imagined spending the day eating and people watching my way through Manhattan, soaking in the sights, sounds, tastes, people and experiences in New York City that are like no other place on earth.
As I stood at my window, I pondered the contrast between the winter landscape in my view and the stimulating scene my husband was living that moment in New York. And I wondered, how realistic is it to think, that someone who grew up in a big city like that can learn to love life in small town North Dakota?
We learned last week about a couple, Michael and Jeanette Tristani, who tried. The allure of free land drew them from Miami to Hazelton, N.D., four years ago. But they are pulling the plug on the experiment and going back to Florida.
The story focused heavily on dramatic claims of being run out of town by unwelcoming locals, but the couple has said repeatedly the biggest reason they are returning to Florida is to care for aging parents. The fact they didn’t feel they fit in at Hazelton probably sealed their decision.
The story was picked up by media outlets nationwide. It’s the kind of tale people on the coasts love to read to support their stereotype about Midwesterners – that we blindly cling to our guns and our religion, unwilling to accept new ideas, new people or change of any kind.
Hazelton has actually worked harder than most small North Dakota towns to change its destiny. Ironically, their aggressive attempt to alter their course might ultimately make them the poster child for the stubborn, dying small town -- something comedians and politicians reference in one-liners about close mindedness.
This is the kind of story that sticks in the brains of people who don’t remember anything else about North Dakota. That’s really unfortunate. But perhaps the story might trigger some worthwhile discussions in our communities.
Whether or not Hazelton was at fault (and facts reported since the original story suggest they weren’t) this story speaks to one of North Dakota’s biggest challenges. How do we attract and retain people to sustain our communities and grow our economy while maintaining the qualities we love about this state?
Many of our rural communities are losing the struggle to create a new identity beyond traditional agriculture which can no longer fully sustain them. Yet our low unemployment and growth opportunities in many industries provide an opportunity now to recruit people to our state.
We might be well served to reflect on how welcoming we are. How open are we to people who look different and have a very different world view? What are we doing to help them find a place in our communities?
North Dakota won’t be a match for everyone. The contrast for folks from Miami or New York might be too extreme. But people who desire to live in our state and integrate into our communities should receive a warm welcome from us and find in North Dakota a safe, comfortable and friendly new home.
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
And the Survey Says....
I recently conducted an unscientific study in which I surveyed about 50 friends regarding their thoughts on romance. The questions I asked are below, followed by their responses broken out into the three categories.
1. What is the most romantic thing someone has ever done for you? I’ll let you decide who that “someone” is, and you needn’t reveal that in your answer. But, it needs to be printable. Sorry but no smut!
2. What is the most romantic thing someone COULD do for you – in other words, start dreamin’. What’s your idea of romance? Again, printable please!
3. Finally, if you care to share your idea of the least romantic gesture that was intended to be romantic, feel free.
Most Romantic Memories
He puts toothpaste on my toothbrush every morning and night (really, whoever brushes first does the toothpaste for the other - we have done this for 10 years). Just a small remembrance of taking care of each other!
When he goes to bed before I do, he lays on my side of the bed to warm my sheets.
He picked me up from the airport with a picnic supper and a cute card to have at a park for the evening - wine included.
When I was hosting tons of family for Christmas, he came home with a beautiful winter bouquet - roses, star gazer lilies, baby's breath - for the centerpiece. The reason that was so romantic is 1) I knew how much he felt flowers are overpriced. 2) He had to have picked them out himself secretly - so he thought of it ahead of time 3) I had once told him how cool I thought it was that my Grandpa always bought a flower centerpiece for the hostess of a holiday. Whether it was my grandpa, or my aunt, or whomever it was a grand/sweet/thoughtful gesture.
Pam bought me a message, and then surprised me by showing up at the spa and joining me for a steam shower and a couples message. Another time, for my 40th birthday, she surprised me with a quick getaway day to Fargo. We stayed at the Hotel Donaldson and had dinner and drinks at the Hodo.
He once brought me flowers and brownies he made from scratch to school and left it in my classroom. I was really touched because he worked so hard to get it all together. It was a complete surprise because Valentines Day was not usually on his list of important days to celebrate.
A romantic gesture is something that is personally meaningful to only you. So chocolates and flowers aren't romantic because it's not personalized. For example, my husband knows that I LOVE sauerkraut and sausage but never make it for myself. I found it romantic when he saw the cafeteria menu for the day featuring my favorite and called me at work to ask me to come for lunch.
Everyone wants to have a romantic proposal story. Here's ours: sitting on a park bench we saw this incredible falling star. He said, "You know what I wish?" I said, "What?” He said, “I wish you'd marry me.” And the rest is history.
One day, out of the blue, I got a box of cookies on my desk (from that "someone") with a note wishing me a great day.
He made me a list of the things he loved about me.
We are going to see Michael Buble in concert in Winnipeg in August. I cannot wait! My husband isn’t really a fan, but knows that I have been dying for him to go with me to one of his concerts if he ever went on tour close to Bismarck.
5th anniversary. She gave me a coffee table book of the 500 greatest golf holes. As I paged through the pictures there was a card marking the 12th hole of Augusta National. The card was an invitation to play Augusta National which is the dream of every golfer. She had a good friend who’s father was a member and was able to give me a once in a lifetime golf trip.
I'm not into all that dorky demonstrative stuff. We go running together at the lake. How's that for a headline?
He bought me a ring one time on Santa Monica. The ring was really cool, it had a painting by Hundertwasser on it, there's a museum all about him in Vienna. The problem: it was the second time in a year that I'd received a ring from him that was way too big. I lost it eventually... Argh. Still, the ring purchase was quite a romantic gesture.
I am just as bad with the romance as my husband although I did buy him a heart-shaped coffee mug last week that has conversation hearts painted all over it. That's the extent of our red hot romantic gestures over here. Too risqué for your article?
The most loving thing that someone has done for me is planned a surprise 30th birthday party for me that included all of the important people in my life. I had no idea beforehand.
Surprised me with a weekend getaway, made all the arrangements and just told me to pack whatever I needed and wisked me away...Obviously that was before we had kids!!
Prepared a seven course gourmet meal for me.
ON a trip to the ocean, we got up early and went for a walk by ourselves on the beach. It was beautiful. Barefoot in the sand.
One time many years ago, for my 30th birthday, beautiful roses and a romantic night out for dinner. It was the greatest birthday ever.
Being romantic is an ideal that is blown out of proportion, especially on Valentine's Day. I think it puts way too much pressure on the man to do something that a woman may or may not see as perfect. To me, being romantic is showing that you care. I think when my husband helps me around the house by cleaning up after dinner, folding clothes, helping the kids with homework, and always being there for me when I need him is romantic. It can't be easy to work full time then come home when you are tired and help where needed unless you care. That's romantic! I'm a pretty practical person, not a dreamer. It is so easy to get carried away wishing for something that may be just a dream.
Most romantic thing anyone every did was to make sure the kids were taken care of, got a nice bottle of wine, and allowed us some time to visit and reconnect. Wasn't even a special occasion, but she made it special.
When we were dating he called me and told me to get dressed up and that was all he said. A little while later he was picking me up in a limo. We drove around for awhile and drank a bottle of wine and then went out for dinner.
My husband left Post-Its with little love notes on them all over the house. I couldn’t stop smiling!
My future husband at the time and I attended a company Christmas party at a cheesy hotel in Grand Forks. Bad music, bad food, horrible ambience, but he picked up on the fact that the only thing I was eating were the peanuts out of the party Chex mix. The rest of the night he proceeded to separate the peanuts out from the Chex mix for me and made sure I had my own stash of peanuts. It’s a memory that I come back to time and time again and always puts a smile on my face. I’m sure he doesn’t even remember but made an impact with me
My aneurysm necklace to celebrate one year post-first surgery, celebrating life and its journey. Have never taken it off in five years. It’s like another wedding band.
My wife made reservations at a restaurant which happens to be my favorite place to spend time with her. She did this for Valentine’s Day, which was something I understood to be my responsibility. She took the initiative to assist with a busy schedule, and was pleased to do it!!
The most romantic - was when I got my wedding ring. He had baked a cake for me and gave it to my sister so she could bring it to the bank when we had coffee. I opened up the cake and on the frosting was written. “Will you marry me? He took a piece of the cake out and replaced it with the ring in the box wrapped in cellophane, and frosted the cake. So I had to "find" the ring.
The most romantic act was after he asked me to marry him he gave me a puzzle that had a promise written on the back of it for me. I had to put the puzzle together to retrieve the message.
"Lisa Kozel, This is my commitment to you. As God as my witness, I promise to love and cherish you all the days of my life. I will be faithful in mind, body and soul. I will be your partner, best friend and confidant and lover. Life is sometimes a puzzle and we will have to work hard to piece things together. I promise you that I will do my part! Let us never give up putting our puzzle together. You want to hug me, you want to kiss me, you want to marry me? I LOVE YOU! We placed this puzzle with the promise facing our bed in our bedroom.
Knowing that I don’t like to waste money on flowers, but still enjoy their beauty, my husband took advantage of a beautiful rose bush growing in our yard and picked a nice little bouquet, arranged them and had them waiting for me along with a nice clean house. That he went through the trouble to not only pick the flowers, but arrange them in a vase for me was really special.
A boyfriend I had once took me to one of those photobooth things, where you stand behind a curtain and take funny pictures and then they print out in a long strip 5 minutes later. Anyway, we got our pictures taken and then a day later I gave him a cheap frame, that would hold two of the little square images, never thinking he would actually put the pictures in it. But he did, and then he put it on his nightstand, which was both surprising and sweet.
The most romantic thing I ever received was a simple gift. It was a framed photo of her, her children, and me at a ball game. It was romantic because of the simplicity....a photo of me with the three people I treasured the most. While the relationship didn't work out in the end....it was a gift I will never forget. When I received it, it made this stoic guy teary eyed.
He let me borrow his nice car for a trip and had a little note for me and a CD in the stereo set to play “my song.”
He leaves me notes every morning before he heads out to the farm. I look forward to them every morning!!
She spent an entire day from dawn to dusk with me and dogs doing the thing I love and enjoy the most - hunting pheasants and a little bonus frolic in the field.
A quiet night of conversation with good friends, candles, a glass of wine and soft music.
It appears to me that there are three essential parts to the most romantic thing:
1. It takes time and energy to form
2. It’s creative.
3. It expresses your love.
DREAM GESTURES
No TV, nice music, warm, rain drop massage.
Plan a fun getaway or adventure for us that's a complete surprise.
Take me on a surprise weekend get-away. He’d pick me up from work with all my bags packed!
Cooking a meal for me --just once!
Make me something (anything... a card, a chair, a cup, anything he took time to make and made just for me).
Plan a surprise night out from start to finish, including the babysitter, based on what I would love to do, not just what he likes and what we tend to do. I would rather have a fun activity, such as mini golfing, shopping for something special together, visiting an exhibit, etc. than just going out to dinner and possibly a movie.
The most romantic thing my spouse can do for me is to make intimacy a priority.
To not see any dirty dishes in the sink in the morning that clearly were used and not put in the dishwasher AFTER I went to bed the night before and had the kitchen cleaned.
Plan a fun day (and night) together and have all of it be a surprise. It doesn’t have to be anything expensive or extravagant. It is more about the fact that someone put thought into planning a day they know you will enjoy.
I would just LOVE to come home and have the house sparkling clean, laundry done, maybe even supper on the table!
If he would plan a surprise trip for just the two of us.
The most romantic thing would be to do something with me (with kids or not) and just be able to enjoy it.
Put together a surprise special event for me…..like arrange for some girlfriends and I to go to Mpls or NYC or someplace like that for a weekend .
With two young kids and a very busy job, any weekend away (just the two of us) would be pretty darn romantic.
I would love to have her line up a weekend getaway for the two of us. Surprise me with tickets to New York or Chicago to see some shows and do some site seeing.
Romantic idea: he lines up the babysitter, picks a restaurant I like, eat in shared courses that we split - so you're not so full but get some of each thing. Then we something out of the ordinary - just a walk by the river, or geocaching, or bowling - or whatever! Not a movie.
I guess I’m pretty easy because right now I think it would just be helping or doing the dinner dishes, and going to a movie, or for a chat at Barnes and Noble.
A lingering kiss gives me butterflies, and holding my hand would be welcomed as well, but only because he wants to, not because he feels like I want him to!
I think I would like an entirely planned out, super relaxing vacation, but I know I would still worry and think about the kids too much. Maybe that will be at a later stage in our marriage.
I know this sounds sad, but to be able to come home one evening and do absolutely nothing! No laundry, no making dinner, fighting with kids. Be able to snuggle up on my bed, with my favorite blanket and movie with no interruptions. If I could snuggle with him that would be even better, but if he kept the kids away, I would be alright with that!
Probably planning/taking me on a trip somewhere fantastic and the itinerary would include an all inclusive spa.
My idea of romance: Husband and I, margaritas in hand on the deck of our house, late summer, talking, sans kids
I’ve had homebaked goodies wrapped up and placed in my study carol at law school, I think there was a sappy unsigned card with it (I thought that was sweet, but again I still liked the guy A
ROMANTIC FLOPS
Loud bar filled with TV's blaring of ballgames
Flowers and chocolate.
Buying a gift out of pure obligation which obviously has no thought into it.
I worked at a coffee shop in college. One day, a regular customer cornered me in the parking lot after my shift and told me he was taking me out to dinner. Yes, told me. "I am taking you out to dinner." Umm okay. He then "let" me choose where we were going to eat. I asked if he liked barbeque and he said yes. So I suggested Famous Dave's. I meet him there, we sit down, and he informs me that he's a vegetarian, so he's not going to eat anything. Before the food arrives (I convinced him to order the onion blossom) his phone rings on 4 separate occasions. Later, he asks me if I want to go to his apartment and look at his treadmill. I say no. A few minutes after that, he drops this: (keep in mind it's July), "When does the Fargo pro hockey team play?" me, "I don't know, December or January?" "Oh, well, when they play, do you want to go with me?"
And THEN, at the end of the so-called date, he asks, "So, what would you like to do tomorrow night?" I tell him, as kindly as possible, that there won't be a tomorrow night. "Why, was it something I said?" The entire evening was like a theatre production of someone being as non-romantic as possible.
The least romantic gesture has to be the acts or gifts that the giver enjoys more - Nascar tickets or new kitchen appliances.
Least romantic............ It was our FIRST Christmas with our NEW 1 month old daughter. My husband had purchased a new video camera the day she was born. When it came time to decorate the Christmas tree, we were listening to Christmas music as he had been taping throughout the evening. He decided to set up the tripod and put the camera on timer, so we could all be in the video. The baby was sitting in her baby seat in the middle of the couch, I was sitting on one side of her, he set the timer and ran back to the couch, sat down quickly, put a smile on his face and when the green light came on, he said, “This is our first Christmas with our beautiful 1 month old baby, Terra, and my lovly wife, Joan.” My mouth dropped open as I quickly looked at him. "WHAT?" he corrected himself. Joan was his OLD girlfriend.
I came home from work one day and there in the laundry room was a new washer and dryer with a huge red bow wrapped around both of them.
Least romantic: married to a very methodical person, fortunately/unfortunately, every action is thought out to the fullest with potential impact, looked at from all sides. The curse of the accountant.
My husband was on a business trip and kept telling me he was bringing me back some gifts. My husband is what you might call resourceful (not cheap), so I didn’t get too excited but was still eager to see what he picked out. It turned out the “gifts” he was referring to were a coffee cup (I didn’t drink coffee at the time, but he did) and a cap (in his size, not mine). I was not impressed and still haven’t let him forget it!!
Bought me underwear (that I didn't like or need) for Christmas...Yes, this happened on our first Christmas together. He has come along way. Not sure if they were meant to be romantic or not, but they definitely WERE NOT!!
Suggesting he would propose using the same engagement ring his previous fiance had returned to him when they broke up. That's right, classy.
Just last week we got the 3 boys to bed, sat down with a cocktail, and I expected nice music and a good conversation. On goes the TV and we are live at the XGames!
When we were dating and I made him Christmas cookies. My mom said to spread some egg white over the tops so they'd be shiny and the colored sugar would stick. But the egg white was just gloppy and gross and disgustingly raw-eggish. It's the thought that counts, right? My baking skills haven't improved any yet either!
I think I might be the expert in this area. I’ve had (all different!) guys do some weird things. The things that come to mind are one configuring his body to take self-timed pictures of himself in the shape of the letters spelling out “I Love You”, with those pics pasted on a poster board and presented to me with flowers. I’ve had dinner in the parking lot outside of my workplace, complete with small grill and flowers and tablecloth, in order to try to incite me to date him longer. I’ve had gifts placed in or on my car for a two week period from a guy trying to woo me back (didn’t work – I just thought he was a stalker). I’ve received a homemade tape of songs that reminded him of me (this one I actually did like, maybe because I still liked the guy).
The least romantic gesture: If my husband took me out for Valentine's and gave me flowers, a nice dinner, incredible dessert, movie...whatever....and then forget about me until the next Valentine's Day. That would make me and angry spouse. Romance should happen every day by appreciating one another.
When I was in college, my boyfriend at the time, took me out for supper on Valentines Day at the Fortune Cookie in Minot. When we got our bill it came with two fortune cookies like usual. When I opened & read mine it said “Will you marry me?” It was not from him. The waitress had messed up & gave us the wrong cookies. It was intended for the couple sitting at the table next to us. It was pretty funny for us, but I felt bad for the guy who had gone to all that work.
1. What is the most romantic thing someone has ever done for you? I’ll let you decide who that “someone” is, and you needn’t reveal that in your answer. But, it needs to be printable. Sorry but no smut!
2. What is the most romantic thing someone COULD do for you – in other words, start dreamin’. What’s your idea of romance? Again, printable please!
3. Finally, if you care to share your idea of the least romantic gesture that was intended to be romantic, feel free.
Most Romantic Memories
He puts toothpaste on my toothbrush every morning and night (really, whoever brushes first does the toothpaste for the other - we have done this for 10 years). Just a small remembrance of taking care of each other!
When he goes to bed before I do, he lays on my side of the bed to warm my sheets.
He picked me up from the airport with a picnic supper and a cute card to have at a park for the evening - wine included.
When I was hosting tons of family for Christmas, he came home with a beautiful winter bouquet - roses, star gazer lilies, baby's breath - for the centerpiece. The reason that was so romantic is 1) I knew how much he felt flowers are overpriced. 2) He had to have picked them out himself secretly - so he thought of it ahead of time 3) I had once told him how cool I thought it was that my Grandpa always bought a flower centerpiece for the hostess of a holiday. Whether it was my grandpa, or my aunt, or whomever it was a grand/sweet/thoughtful gesture.
Pam bought me a message, and then surprised me by showing up at the spa and joining me for a steam shower and a couples message. Another time, for my 40th birthday, she surprised me with a quick getaway day to Fargo. We stayed at the Hotel Donaldson and had dinner and drinks at the Hodo.
He once brought me flowers and brownies he made from scratch to school and left it in my classroom. I was really touched because he worked so hard to get it all together. It was a complete surprise because Valentines Day was not usually on his list of important days to celebrate.
A romantic gesture is something that is personally meaningful to only you. So chocolates and flowers aren't romantic because it's not personalized. For example, my husband knows that I LOVE sauerkraut and sausage but never make it for myself. I found it romantic when he saw the cafeteria menu for the day featuring my favorite and called me at work to ask me to come for lunch.
Everyone wants to have a romantic proposal story. Here's ours: sitting on a park bench we saw this incredible falling star. He said, "You know what I wish?" I said, "What?” He said, “I wish you'd marry me.” And the rest is history.
One day, out of the blue, I got a box of cookies on my desk (from that "someone") with a note wishing me a great day.
He made me a list of the things he loved about me.
We are going to see Michael Buble in concert in Winnipeg in August. I cannot wait! My husband isn’t really a fan, but knows that I have been dying for him to go with me to one of his concerts if he ever went on tour close to Bismarck.
5th anniversary. She gave me a coffee table book of the 500 greatest golf holes. As I paged through the pictures there was a card marking the 12th hole of Augusta National. The card was an invitation to play Augusta National which is the dream of every golfer. She had a good friend who’s father was a member and was able to give me a once in a lifetime golf trip.
I'm not into all that dorky demonstrative stuff. We go running together at the lake. How's that for a headline?
He bought me a ring one time on Santa Monica. The ring was really cool, it had a painting by Hundertwasser on it, there's a museum all about him in Vienna. The problem: it was the second time in a year that I'd received a ring from him that was way too big. I lost it eventually... Argh. Still, the ring purchase was quite a romantic gesture.
I am just as bad with the romance as my husband although I did buy him a heart-shaped coffee mug last week that has conversation hearts painted all over it. That's the extent of our red hot romantic gestures over here. Too risqué for your article?
The most loving thing that someone has done for me is planned a surprise 30th birthday party for me that included all of the important people in my life. I had no idea beforehand.
Surprised me with a weekend getaway, made all the arrangements and just told me to pack whatever I needed and wisked me away...Obviously that was before we had kids!!
Prepared a seven course gourmet meal for me.
ON a trip to the ocean, we got up early and went for a walk by ourselves on the beach. It was beautiful. Barefoot in the sand.
One time many years ago, for my 30th birthday, beautiful roses and a romantic night out for dinner. It was the greatest birthday ever.
Being romantic is an ideal that is blown out of proportion, especially on Valentine's Day. I think it puts way too much pressure on the man to do something that a woman may or may not see as perfect. To me, being romantic is showing that you care. I think when my husband helps me around the house by cleaning up after dinner, folding clothes, helping the kids with homework, and always being there for me when I need him is romantic. It can't be easy to work full time then come home when you are tired and help where needed unless you care. That's romantic! I'm a pretty practical person, not a dreamer. It is so easy to get carried away wishing for something that may be just a dream.
Most romantic thing anyone every did was to make sure the kids were taken care of, got a nice bottle of wine, and allowed us some time to visit and reconnect. Wasn't even a special occasion, but she made it special.
When we were dating he called me and told me to get dressed up and that was all he said. A little while later he was picking me up in a limo. We drove around for awhile and drank a bottle of wine and then went out for dinner.
My husband left Post-Its with little love notes on them all over the house. I couldn’t stop smiling!
My future husband at the time and I attended a company Christmas party at a cheesy hotel in Grand Forks. Bad music, bad food, horrible ambience, but he picked up on the fact that the only thing I was eating were the peanuts out of the party Chex mix. The rest of the night he proceeded to separate the peanuts out from the Chex mix for me and made sure I had my own stash of peanuts. It’s a memory that I come back to time and time again and always puts a smile on my face. I’m sure he doesn’t even remember but made an impact with me
My aneurysm necklace to celebrate one year post-first surgery, celebrating life and its journey. Have never taken it off in five years. It’s like another wedding band.
My wife made reservations at a restaurant which happens to be my favorite place to spend time with her. She did this for Valentine’s Day, which was something I understood to be my responsibility. She took the initiative to assist with a busy schedule, and was pleased to do it!!
The most romantic - was when I got my wedding ring. He had baked a cake for me and gave it to my sister so she could bring it to the bank when we had coffee. I opened up the cake and on the frosting was written. “Will you marry me? He took a piece of the cake out and replaced it with the ring in the box wrapped in cellophane, and frosted the cake. So I had to "find" the ring.
The most romantic act was after he asked me to marry him he gave me a puzzle that had a promise written on the back of it for me. I had to put the puzzle together to retrieve the message.
"Lisa Kozel, This is my commitment to you. As God as my witness, I promise to love and cherish you all the days of my life. I will be faithful in mind, body and soul. I will be your partner, best friend and confidant and lover. Life is sometimes a puzzle and we will have to work hard to piece things together. I promise you that I will do my part! Let us never give up putting our puzzle together. You want to hug me, you want to kiss me, you want to marry me? I LOVE YOU! We placed this puzzle with the promise facing our bed in our bedroom.
Knowing that I don’t like to waste money on flowers, but still enjoy their beauty, my husband took advantage of a beautiful rose bush growing in our yard and picked a nice little bouquet, arranged them and had them waiting for me along with a nice clean house. That he went through the trouble to not only pick the flowers, but arrange them in a vase for me was really special.
A boyfriend I had once took me to one of those photobooth things, where you stand behind a curtain and take funny pictures and then they print out in a long strip 5 minutes later. Anyway, we got our pictures taken and then a day later I gave him a cheap frame, that would hold two of the little square images, never thinking he would actually put the pictures in it. But he did, and then he put it on his nightstand, which was both surprising and sweet.
The most romantic thing I ever received was a simple gift. It was a framed photo of her, her children, and me at a ball game. It was romantic because of the simplicity....a photo of me with the three people I treasured the most. While the relationship didn't work out in the end....it was a gift I will never forget. When I received it, it made this stoic guy teary eyed.
He let me borrow his nice car for a trip and had a little note for me and a CD in the stereo set to play “my song.”
He leaves me notes every morning before he heads out to the farm. I look forward to them every morning!!
She spent an entire day from dawn to dusk with me and dogs doing the thing I love and enjoy the most - hunting pheasants and a little bonus frolic in the field.
A quiet night of conversation with good friends, candles, a glass of wine and soft music.
It appears to me that there are three essential parts to the most romantic thing:
1. It takes time and energy to form
2. It’s creative.
3. It expresses your love.
DREAM GESTURES
No TV, nice music, warm, rain drop massage.
Plan a fun getaway or adventure for us that's a complete surprise.
Take me on a surprise weekend get-away. He’d pick me up from work with all my bags packed!
Cooking a meal for me --just once!
Make me something (anything... a card, a chair, a cup, anything he took time to make and made just for me).
Plan a surprise night out from start to finish, including the babysitter, based on what I would love to do, not just what he likes and what we tend to do. I would rather have a fun activity, such as mini golfing, shopping for something special together, visiting an exhibit, etc. than just going out to dinner and possibly a movie.
The most romantic thing my spouse can do for me is to make intimacy a priority.
To not see any dirty dishes in the sink in the morning that clearly were used and not put in the dishwasher AFTER I went to bed the night before and had the kitchen cleaned.
Plan a fun day (and night) together and have all of it be a surprise. It doesn’t have to be anything expensive or extravagant. It is more about the fact that someone put thought into planning a day they know you will enjoy.
I would just LOVE to come home and have the house sparkling clean, laundry done, maybe even supper on the table!
If he would plan a surprise trip for just the two of us.
The most romantic thing would be to do something with me (with kids or not) and just be able to enjoy it.
Put together a surprise special event for me…..like arrange for some girlfriends and I to go to Mpls or NYC or someplace like that for a weekend .
With two young kids and a very busy job, any weekend away (just the two of us) would be pretty darn romantic.
I would love to have her line up a weekend getaway for the two of us. Surprise me with tickets to New York or Chicago to see some shows and do some site seeing.
Romantic idea: he lines up the babysitter, picks a restaurant I like, eat in shared courses that we split - so you're not so full but get some of each thing. Then we something out of the ordinary - just a walk by the river, or geocaching, or bowling - or whatever! Not a movie.
I guess I’m pretty easy because right now I think it would just be helping or doing the dinner dishes, and going to a movie, or for a chat at Barnes and Noble.
A lingering kiss gives me butterflies, and holding my hand would be welcomed as well, but only because he wants to, not because he feels like I want him to!
I think I would like an entirely planned out, super relaxing vacation, but I know I would still worry and think about the kids too much. Maybe that will be at a later stage in our marriage.
I know this sounds sad, but to be able to come home one evening and do absolutely nothing! No laundry, no making dinner, fighting with kids. Be able to snuggle up on my bed, with my favorite blanket and movie with no interruptions. If I could snuggle with him that would be even better, but if he kept the kids away, I would be alright with that!
Probably planning/taking me on a trip somewhere fantastic and the itinerary would include an all inclusive spa.
My idea of romance: Husband and I, margaritas in hand on the deck of our house, late summer, talking, sans kids
I’ve had homebaked goodies wrapped up and placed in my study carol at law school, I think there was a sappy unsigned card with it (I thought that was sweet, but again I still liked the guy A
ROMANTIC FLOPS
Loud bar filled with TV's blaring of ballgames
Flowers and chocolate.
Buying a gift out of pure obligation which obviously has no thought into it.
I worked at a coffee shop in college. One day, a regular customer cornered me in the parking lot after my shift and told me he was taking me out to dinner. Yes, told me. "I am taking you out to dinner." Umm okay. He then "let" me choose where we were going to eat. I asked if he liked barbeque and he said yes. So I suggested Famous Dave's. I meet him there, we sit down, and he informs me that he's a vegetarian, so he's not going to eat anything. Before the food arrives (I convinced him to order the onion blossom) his phone rings on 4 separate occasions. Later, he asks me if I want to go to his apartment and look at his treadmill. I say no. A few minutes after that, he drops this: (keep in mind it's July), "When does the Fargo pro hockey team play?" me, "I don't know, December or January?" "Oh, well, when they play, do you want to go with me?"
And THEN, at the end of the so-called date, he asks, "So, what would you like to do tomorrow night?" I tell him, as kindly as possible, that there won't be a tomorrow night. "Why, was it something I said?" The entire evening was like a theatre production of someone being as non-romantic as possible.
The least romantic gesture has to be the acts or gifts that the giver enjoys more - Nascar tickets or new kitchen appliances.
Least romantic............ It was our FIRST Christmas with our NEW 1 month old daughter. My husband had purchased a new video camera the day she was born. When it came time to decorate the Christmas tree, we were listening to Christmas music as he had been taping throughout the evening. He decided to set up the tripod and put the camera on timer, so we could all be in the video. The baby was sitting in her baby seat in the middle of the couch, I was sitting on one side of her, he set the timer and ran back to the couch, sat down quickly, put a smile on his face and when the green light came on, he said, “This is our first Christmas with our beautiful 1 month old baby, Terra, and my lovly wife, Joan.” My mouth dropped open as I quickly looked at him. "WHAT?" he corrected himself. Joan was his OLD girlfriend.
I came home from work one day and there in the laundry room was a new washer and dryer with a huge red bow wrapped around both of them.
Least romantic: married to a very methodical person, fortunately/unfortunately, every action is thought out to the fullest with potential impact, looked at from all sides. The curse of the accountant.
My husband was on a business trip and kept telling me he was bringing me back some gifts. My husband is what you might call resourceful (not cheap), so I didn’t get too excited but was still eager to see what he picked out. It turned out the “gifts” he was referring to were a coffee cup (I didn’t drink coffee at the time, but he did) and a cap (in his size, not mine). I was not impressed and still haven’t let him forget it!!
Bought me underwear (that I didn't like or need) for Christmas...Yes, this happened on our first Christmas together. He has come along way. Not sure if they were meant to be romantic or not, but they definitely WERE NOT!!
Suggesting he would propose using the same engagement ring his previous fiance had returned to him when they broke up. That's right, classy.
Just last week we got the 3 boys to bed, sat down with a cocktail, and I expected nice music and a good conversation. On goes the TV and we are live at the XGames!
When we were dating and I made him Christmas cookies. My mom said to spread some egg white over the tops so they'd be shiny and the colored sugar would stick. But the egg white was just gloppy and gross and disgustingly raw-eggish. It's the thought that counts, right? My baking skills haven't improved any yet either!
I think I might be the expert in this area. I’ve had (all different!) guys do some weird things. The things that come to mind are one configuring his body to take self-timed pictures of himself in the shape of the letters spelling out “I Love You”, with those pics pasted on a poster board and presented to me with flowers. I’ve had dinner in the parking lot outside of my workplace, complete with small grill and flowers and tablecloth, in order to try to incite me to date him longer. I’ve had gifts placed in or on my car for a two week period from a guy trying to woo me back (didn’t work – I just thought he was a stalker). I’ve received a homemade tape of songs that reminded him of me (this one I actually did like, maybe because I still liked the guy).
The least romantic gesture: If my husband took me out for Valentine's and gave me flowers, a nice dinner, incredible dessert, movie...whatever....and then forget about me until the next Valentine's Day. That would make me and angry spouse. Romance should happen every day by appreciating one another.
When I was in college, my boyfriend at the time, took me out for supper on Valentines Day at the Fortune Cookie in Minot. When we got our bill it came with two fortune cookies like usual. When I opened & read mine it said “Will you marry me?” It was not from him. The waitress had messed up & gave us the wrong cookies. It was intended for the couple sitting at the table next to us. It was pretty funny for us, but I felt bad for the guy who had gone to all that work.
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
Survey Reveals Common Ground on Romance
February is a month for melting away the winter blues with some red hot romance. So I asked about 50 men and women to share three things: memories of their most romantic moments, their biggest flops and romantic dreams waiting to be realized.
“For our 5th anniversary, my wife gave me a coffee table book of the 500 greatest golf holes. As I paged through the pictures there was a card marking the 12th hole of Augusta National. The card was an invitation to play Augusta National, which is the dream of every golfer.”
What a cool gift. That was the most extravagant story. Several told of touching marriage proposals:
“After he asked me to marry him he gave me a puzzle that had a promise written on the back of it. I had to put the puzzle together to retrieve the message. ‘…Life is sometimes a puzzle and we will have to work hard to piece things together. I promise you that I will do my part! Let us never give up putting our puzzle together…’”
A vast majority of the most memorable romantic moments, however, were simple things made meaningful by their thoughtfulness: putting toothpaste on a toothbrush every night, helping with laundry or the dishes, making arrangements for a babysitter, posting love notes around the house.
• My husband brought me flowers and brownies he made from scratch and left them in my classroom.
• She spent an entire day from dawn to dusk with me and dogs doing the thing I love and enjoy the most - hunting pheasants.
• My husband picked a nice little bouquet of roses from our yard, arranged them and had them waiting for me along with a nice clean house.
I received dozens of responses and most of them cost little or nothing.
Among the most common romantic flops revealed were “dates” in front of the TV watching sports, obligatory gifts like flowers or chocolate, and gifts the giver enjoys more, like Nascar tickets or kitchen appliances. I once gave my husband nice sheets for his birthday -- the “sheetiest” gift ever.
The Archie Bunker award for worst romantic gesture goes to the guy who said he would propose using the same engagement ring his previous fiance had returned to him when they broke up.
Another romantic flop was just plain sad. My friend opened a fortune cookie at a Chinese restaurant that read, “Will you marry me.” The poor guy at the table text to her had special ordered that cookie to complete his Valentine’s Day proposal. The waitress delivered it to the wrong table.
Survey participants were fairly unanimous about the most desired romantic gestures. Topping this list, for men and women, is a surprise, pre-arranged trip or outing. Other popular gestures include a surprise clean house, a date doing something other than dinner and a movie, or anything homemade.
One man said the most romantic thing his wife can do is make intimacy a priority. I suspect many others would embrace this honest answer.
A couple things about this exercise surprised me. The response rate was really high, nearly 75 percent. People clearly enjoyed thinking about and sharing their romantic memories.
I didn’t expect so many men to respond. And I was surprised by the overall simplicity of the things people found most touching or desirable.
We’re told that men are from Mars and women are from Venus. But when it comes to romance, it seems both genders stand squarely on Earth. What we long for most are thoughtful expressions that demonstrate our loved one knows, understands and appreciates us.
“For our 5th anniversary, my wife gave me a coffee table book of the 500 greatest golf holes. As I paged through the pictures there was a card marking the 12th hole of Augusta National. The card was an invitation to play Augusta National, which is the dream of every golfer.”
What a cool gift. That was the most extravagant story. Several told of touching marriage proposals:
“After he asked me to marry him he gave me a puzzle that had a promise written on the back of it. I had to put the puzzle together to retrieve the message. ‘…Life is sometimes a puzzle and we will have to work hard to piece things together. I promise you that I will do my part! Let us never give up putting our puzzle together…’”
A vast majority of the most memorable romantic moments, however, were simple things made meaningful by their thoughtfulness: putting toothpaste on a toothbrush every night, helping with laundry or the dishes, making arrangements for a babysitter, posting love notes around the house.
• My husband brought me flowers and brownies he made from scratch and left them in my classroom.
• She spent an entire day from dawn to dusk with me and dogs doing the thing I love and enjoy the most - hunting pheasants.
• My husband picked a nice little bouquet of roses from our yard, arranged them and had them waiting for me along with a nice clean house.
I received dozens of responses and most of them cost little or nothing.
Among the most common romantic flops revealed were “dates” in front of the TV watching sports, obligatory gifts like flowers or chocolate, and gifts the giver enjoys more, like Nascar tickets or kitchen appliances. I once gave my husband nice sheets for his birthday -- the “sheetiest” gift ever.
The Archie Bunker award for worst romantic gesture goes to the guy who said he would propose using the same engagement ring his previous fiance had returned to him when they broke up.
Another romantic flop was just plain sad. My friend opened a fortune cookie at a Chinese restaurant that read, “Will you marry me.” The poor guy at the table text to her had special ordered that cookie to complete his Valentine’s Day proposal. The waitress delivered it to the wrong table.
Survey participants were fairly unanimous about the most desired romantic gestures. Topping this list, for men and women, is a surprise, pre-arranged trip or outing. Other popular gestures include a surprise clean house, a date doing something other than dinner and a movie, or anything homemade.
One man said the most romantic thing his wife can do is make intimacy a priority. I suspect many others would embrace this honest answer.
A couple things about this exercise surprised me. The response rate was really high, nearly 75 percent. People clearly enjoyed thinking about and sharing their romantic memories.
I didn’t expect so many men to respond. And I was surprised by the overall simplicity of the things people found most touching or desirable.
We’re told that men are from Mars and women are from Venus. But when it comes to romance, it seems both genders stand squarely on Earth. What we long for most are thoughtful expressions that demonstrate our loved one knows, understands and appreciates us.
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
A Day with a Four Year Old
During a recent day with my four year old, something prompted me to step back from my roles as mother and teacher and observe how he approaches life.
The day started in a familiar way. He refused to wear the cute outfit I had selected and pulled on a grubby sports t-shirt and his favorite thread-bare sweatpants that are two inches too short.
Lesson one: Don’t do something just because someone suggested you should. Make your own decision.
Later that morning we went to the clinic for an appointment. We picked out a couple books to read while we were waiting, but the doctor arrived before we had time to finish them.
After the exam, as I prepared to leave, Sam objected, “But we didn’t read the books mom.” Thoughts of “more important” things to do came to mind, and I started to say, “Yeah, I know, but now we must get going.” But I realized we could spare enough time to read those books.
So we did. Dr. Seuss’s “Happy Birthday to You,” left us both smiling and was well worth the extra 10 minutes.
Lesson two: What’s the rush? Allow yourself time for things you enjoy.
On the way home we stopped at the grocery store. Sam walked straight for the “grocery cars.” A small basket would’ve been more than enough, but I went along with his choice.
As we rolled through the aisles he hung out the window of the “grocery car” and waved his arms like he was riding along the Pacific Coast Highway in a convertible. How I longed to be with him in his imaginary place – it was clearly more fun than the grocery store.
Lesson three: Use your imagination and the mundane can become magical.
We arrived home and an unusually warm January sun made the air feel like spring. Despite two-foot snow banks lining the sidewalk, Sam decided it was time to ride bike. So, we dug out his helmet and pulled his Incredible Hulk two-wheeler off the ceiling hooks in the garage.
He sped away, but within seconds a sheet of snow and ice sent him flat on his belly. I thought that might be the end of the January biking adventure, but I was wrong. He accepted my advice for maneuvering under slippery conditions and pedaled off, this time more carefully.
When we neared the end of the block, he suddenly hopped off the bike. “Oops. He’s had enough,” I thought. Wrong again. A smooth patch of ice by his feet screamed, “Dance on me.” So Sam shuffled around on the ice for a bit, enjoying a little boot dance in a neighbor’s driveway.
Lesson four: Be spontaneous, and joyful. If the spirit moves you, dance!
Soon it was time for lunch. Sam ate a half bowl of daily gruel and a few slices of apple. “Done mom,” he said and hopped down. He declined my offer of a treat saying, “I’m full mom. My tummy beeped.”
Lesson five: Stop eating when you’re full.
If you’re blessed to have a four-year-old in your life, take time today to see what he or she can teach you. If not, go ahead and borrow a couple lessons from Sam. Think for yourself. Be imaginative, spontaneous and joyful. Take time for things you enjoy. And listen carefully for your tummy to beep.
The day started in a familiar way. He refused to wear the cute outfit I had selected and pulled on a grubby sports t-shirt and his favorite thread-bare sweatpants that are two inches too short.
Lesson one: Don’t do something just because someone suggested you should. Make your own decision.
Later that morning we went to the clinic for an appointment. We picked out a couple books to read while we were waiting, but the doctor arrived before we had time to finish them.
After the exam, as I prepared to leave, Sam objected, “But we didn’t read the books mom.” Thoughts of “more important” things to do came to mind, and I started to say, “Yeah, I know, but now we must get going.” But I realized we could spare enough time to read those books.
So we did. Dr. Seuss’s “Happy Birthday to You,” left us both smiling and was well worth the extra 10 minutes.
Lesson two: What’s the rush? Allow yourself time for things you enjoy.
On the way home we stopped at the grocery store. Sam walked straight for the “grocery cars.” A small basket would’ve been more than enough, but I went along with his choice.
As we rolled through the aisles he hung out the window of the “grocery car” and waved his arms like he was riding along the Pacific Coast Highway in a convertible. How I longed to be with him in his imaginary place – it was clearly more fun than the grocery store.
Lesson three: Use your imagination and the mundane can become magical.
We arrived home and an unusually warm January sun made the air feel like spring. Despite two-foot snow banks lining the sidewalk, Sam decided it was time to ride bike. So, we dug out his helmet and pulled his Incredible Hulk two-wheeler off the ceiling hooks in the garage.
He sped away, but within seconds a sheet of snow and ice sent him flat on his belly. I thought that might be the end of the January biking adventure, but I was wrong. He accepted my advice for maneuvering under slippery conditions and pedaled off, this time more carefully.
When we neared the end of the block, he suddenly hopped off the bike. “Oops. He’s had enough,” I thought. Wrong again. A smooth patch of ice by his feet screamed, “Dance on me.” So Sam shuffled around on the ice for a bit, enjoying a little boot dance in a neighbor’s driveway.
Lesson four: Be spontaneous, and joyful. If the spirit moves you, dance!
Soon it was time for lunch. Sam ate a half bowl of daily gruel and a few slices of apple. “Done mom,” he said and hopped down. He declined my offer of a treat saying, “I’m full mom. My tummy beeped.”
Lesson five: Stop eating when you’re full.
If you’re blessed to have a four-year-old in your life, take time today to see what he or she can teach you. If not, go ahead and borrow a couple lessons from Sam. Think for yourself. Be imaginative, spontaneous and joyful. Take time for things you enjoy. And listen carefully for your tummy to beep.
Monday, January 11, 2010
2010 Challenge: Can you give up shopping?
My 2010 New Year’s challenge started with an article from Good Housekeeping magazine, recommended to me by my friend Jesse.[http://www.goodhousekeeping.com/money/budget/stop-shopping.] The article poses a simple question: “Can you survive a year without shopping?”
The obvious answer is “no.” Only a strict vegetarian with a massive garden and no concern for how they smell could pull that off. But, a few families featured in this article successfully quit shopping for a year except for items that were edible or depletable.
For them, the goal wasn’t so much saving money as changing their focus. They wanted to focus less on accumulating things and more on accumulating experiences. So, they passed up collecting new toys, clothes and furniture, and embraced family trips and outings to movies or restaurants.
Having spent the past year trying to clear out clutter and simplify our lives, this challenge seemed like a natural next step. I have embraced it enthusiastically.
During the first week of the challenge I noticed how often thoughts of shopping popped into my head. “I should stop at Kmart quick and upgrade my Christmas storage with those smart red and green bins.”
Last week I passed the first big test, a trip to Target without my kids. Typically, the formula for this scenario reads like this: mother + time in Target + no children + no husband = unnecessary impulsive purchases.
On this trip I had a clear purpose: toilet paper, Oil of Olay, frozen egg rolls.
The cleverly placed dollar items beckoned me at the door, but since I wasn’t “shopping” I walked by. The endstops on aisles were full of attractive, non-essentials: Valentine’s Day decorations, discounted DVDs, pretty candles. Tempting but I resisted.
Sticking to my list (and a few extra food items) I was in and out in 15 minutes and drove away feeling peaceful and powerful. I rewrote the formula!
Take heart store owners. Despite my best lobbying efforts, my husband and kids don’t share my enthusiasm for the challenge, even after I sweetened the pot with an extravagant reward like a big family trip financed by the money we could save.
That said, my kids are still ex-officio participants. Unfortunately for them, I am the financier and taxi driver for 95 percent of their purchases. My six-year-old seems to have accepted this. On about day eight of the 365-day challenge he said, “Mom, when we’re done with the ‘no shopping’ thing, can I buy Sam a skateboard?”
I’m not sure he appreciates the length of a year.
Understand, I am not a big shopper, mostly because I suffer greatly from spending remorse. Still, the challenge is liberating.
• No negotiating with the kids about whether they can have this or that. “Sorry, mom’s not shopping.”
• No pressure to participate in the latest fashion trend.
• No need to read catalogues. They go straight into the garbage.
• Books will come from the library, or the shelves of unread books we already own.
• Gifts will be experiences – movie tickets, ski passes, coffee cards, a special class.
Rather than spending time looking for new things to get and finding places to put them, a year without shopping forces us to appreciate what we already have, and spend time together enjoying it.
The obvious answer is “no.” Only a strict vegetarian with a massive garden and no concern for how they smell could pull that off. But, a few families featured in this article successfully quit shopping for a year except for items that were edible or depletable.
For them, the goal wasn’t so much saving money as changing their focus. They wanted to focus less on accumulating things and more on accumulating experiences. So, they passed up collecting new toys, clothes and furniture, and embraced family trips and outings to movies or restaurants.
Having spent the past year trying to clear out clutter and simplify our lives, this challenge seemed like a natural next step. I have embraced it enthusiastically.
During the first week of the challenge I noticed how often thoughts of shopping popped into my head. “I should stop at Kmart quick and upgrade my Christmas storage with those smart red and green bins.”
Last week I passed the first big test, a trip to Target without my kids. Typically, the formula for this scenario reads like this: mother + time in Target + no children + no husband = unnecessary impulsive purchases.
On this trip I had a clear purpose: toilet paper, Oil of Olay, frozen egg rolls.
The cleverly placed dollar items beckoned me at the door, but since I wasn’t “shopping” I walked by. The endstops on aisles were full of attractive, non-essentials: Valentine’s Day decorations, discounted DVDs, pretty candles. Tempting but I resisted.
Sticking to my list (and a few extra food items) I was in and out in 15 minutes and drove away feeling peaceful and powerful. I rewrote the formula!
Take heart store owners. Despite my best lobbying efforts, my husband and kids don’t share my enthusiasm for the challenge, even after I sweetened the pot with an extravagant reward like a big family trip financed by the money we could save.
That said, my kids are still ex-officio participants. Unfortunately for them, I am the financier and taxi driver for 95 percent of their purchases. My six-year-old seems to have accepted this. On about day eight of the 365-day challenge he said, “Mom, when we’re done with the ‘no shopping’ thing, can I buy Sam a skateboard?”
I’m not sure he appreciates the length of a year.
Understand, I am not a big shopper, mostly because I suffer greatly from spending remorse. Still, the challenge is liberating.
• No negotiating with the kids about whether they can have this or that. “Sorry, mom’s not shopping.”
• No pressure to participate in the latest fashion trend.
• No need to read catalogues. They go straight into the garbage.
• Books will come from the library, or the shelves of unread books we already own.
• Gifts will be experiences – movie tickets, ski passes, coffee cards, a special class.
Rather than spending time looking for new things to get and finding places to put them, a year without shopping forces us to appreciate what we already have, and spend time together enjoying it.
Monday, December 28, 2009
Results in on 2009 New Years Resolution
One year ago, I penned a column outlining my New Year’s resolution to implement Kaizan principles of continuous improvement in my home. The idea behind Kaizan is that small, daily improvements carried out in every job or function eventually accumulate into large gains.
For me, I wanted to gain time and lose frustration and stress by improving the functionality of our home and family.
Throughout the year I have read a few books for ideas. I’ve quizzed my friends. I’ve held rummage sales, passed things down, and worn a path to the drop-off window at Seeds of Hope to purge our “gently” used treasures.
I have lost my way and given up hope many times, usually in the morning when homework papers, permission slips, filling water bottles, finding library books, packing backpacks and securing healthy, portable snacks turns our kitchen into a mini-monsoon of barking bodies.
Despite the strong forces against my little resolution, I kept at it. Sometime this fall I realized I was making progress. So with only two squares remaining on the 2009 calendar, I thought I’d share some of my most effective changes and discoveries with other homemakers who might be swimming in their own sea of chaos.
1. Letting go: I’ve given up on perfection. I can clean the bathroom sink and toilet in two minutes every day, but it might take me a month to find 45 minutes to scrub the room until it shines. I now opt for the two minutes and call it good. Who needs a spotless house? Functional, tidy and peaceful can be achieved with a little dust under the rugs.
2. De-clutter: One of the best concepts I embraced is that you can’t organize clutter. So, I am constantly (daily) removing clutter from the places it loves to collect: our kitchen desk, kitchen table, back entry, laundry room and bedside tables. I put it away, throw it away or send it to the storage room.
For big projects like closets, play rooms or storage rooms, I grab a box, set the timer for 15 minutes and find 27 items to eliminate. Doing this a few times really beats ignoring your family for a whole day while you empty, sort and reorganize a room full of mostly unnecessary stuff.
3. Spread the Work: A couple times a month we do a “Family Clean.” The first person picks everything off the floors and puts misplaced items in a box. The next one dusts. The third vacuums. And the last person puts everything back in its place. Our team goes from room-to-room and is able to clean the entire house in 2 hours.
4. Routines: By far, the most important, small change for me has been the creation of some daily and weekly routines: morning and bedtime routines, regular times for laundry, watering plants, changing sheets, planning meals, paying bills, running errands, preparing for school, reading homework, taking vitamins. Making time for all of these necessary tasks eliminates surprises, reduces stress and makes a lot more time for fun.
The source for the best of these ideas, especially techniques for de-cluttering and establishing routines, is The Flylady. Her book, “Sink Reflections” is full of ideas as is her blog at flylady.net.
This remains a work in progress, but that’s as it should be. Afterall, it’s called continuous improvement. So I have a rather dramatic new challenge for 2010 that promises even bigger gains on my modest beginnings. Stay tuned!
For me, I wanted to gain time and lose frustration and stress by improving the functionality of our home and family.
Throughout the year I have read a few books for ideas. I’ve quizzed my friends. I’ve held rummage sales, passed things down, and worn a path to the drop-off window at Seeds of Hope to purge our “gently” used treasures.
I have lost my way and given up hope many times, usually in the morning when homework papers, permission slips, filling water bottles, finding library books, packing backpacks and securing healthy, portable snacks turns our kitchen into a mini-monsoon of barking bodies.
Despite the strong forces against my little resolution, I kept at it. Sometime this fall I realized I was making progress. So with only two squares remaining on the 2009 calendar, I thought I’d share some of my most effective changes and discoveries with other homemakers who might be swimming in their own sea of chaos.
1. Letting go: I’ve given up on perfection. I can clean the bathroom sink and toilet in two minutes every day, but it might take me a month to find 45 minutes to scrub the room until it shines. I now opt for the two minutes and call it good. Who needs a spotless house? Functional, tidy and peaceful can be achieved with a little dust under the rugs.
2. De-clutter: One of the best concepts I embraced is that you can’t organize clutter. So, I am constantly (daily) removing clutter from the places it loves to collect: our kitchen desk, kitchen table, back entry, laundry room and bedside tables. I put it away, throw it away or send it to the storage room.
For big projects like closets, play rooms or storage rooms, I grab a box, set the timer for 15 minutes and find 27 items to eliminate. Doing this a few times really beats ignoring your family for a whole day while you empty, sort and reorganize a room full of mostly unnecessary stuff.
3. Spread the Work: A couple times a month we do a “Family Clean.” The first person picks everything off the floors and puts misplaced items in a box. The next one dusts. The third vacuums. And the last person puts everything back in its place. Our team goes from room-to-room and is able to clean the entire house in 2 hours.
4. Routines: By far, the most important, small change for me has been the creation of some daily and weekly routines: morning and bedtime routines, regular times for laundry, watering plants, changing sheets, planning meals, paying bills, running errands, preparing for school, reading homework, taking vitamins. Making time for all of these necessary tasks eliminates surprises, reduces stress and makes a lot more time for fun.
The source for the best of these ideas, especially techniques for de-cluttering and establishing routines, is The Flylady. Her book, “Sink Reflections” is full of ideas as is her blog at flylady.net.
This remains a work in progress, but that’s as it should be. Afterall, it’s called continuous improvement. So I have a rather dramatic new challenge for 2010 that promises even bigger gains on my modest beginnings. Stay tuned!
Monday, December 14, 2009
A Little Tiger and Britney in All of Us
My kids were captivated recently by a TV show featuring Connie Talbot. She’s the “Britain’s Got Talent” superstar who, as a darling, six year old won over the crowd and judges with her angelic version of “Over the Rainbow.”
Today, at the seasoned age of 8, Connie’s mom and an army of marketers have capitalized on her talent - and innocence. She has recorded several CDs, her own PBS holiday special, a jewelry line, video games and more.
Watching this child’s performance I couldn’t hold back my cynicism. “Hmm,” I said loudly. “I wonder where we’ll be seeing this little girl in 10 years.”
I hate to be a naysayer, but I’m tired of watching kids skyrocket to fame when they should be focused on growing up, and then struggling through adulthood with life-threatening addictions because they didn’t.
I envisioned Britney Spears, dripping with money, spoiled beyond imagine, and utterly miserable.
She had the means to go anywhere, do anything and buy whatever pleased her at any moment. When she was on tour, Spears was known to send her jet across country to secure coffee from her favorite L.A. coffee shop.
Her money could buy her a beautiful body, clothes, hair and toys, but it couldn’t deliver the one thing she needed most: peace.
Tiger Woods is the most recent childhood superstar whose life built on a seemingly indestructible fortress of sporting excellence is crumbling. I have been a Tiger fan for years, so learning the truth about the man behind the image has been a real disappointment.
To be fair, Tiger earned his reputation by being the best golfer on Earth not for his insights on character, family or values. Fans like me inferred, with the help of sponsors and promoters, the all-around “good guy” image we wanted to believe was part of the package.
What’s most disturbing about Tiger is the commentary he offers on human nature. All the respect, admiration, goodwill, trophies, praise and money he earned were somehow not enough. He had a gorgeous wife, two adorable kids and still sought to fulfill the unmet needs of his ego or sex drive with random female acquaintances.
It’s tempting to condemn the likes of Tiger and Britney for their failures and extravagances, and I have. Yet it occurs to me we are all a bit like them.
In many of our families, we juggle two careers or multiple jobs to afford bigger homes, nicer furniture, fancier cars. We invest heavily in ourselves and search for more toys or gifts or activities to make our kids happy. We strive for promotions and awards, often climbing the professional ladder on the backs of our family and friends.
Rarely do we say, “Now we have enough.” Like Tiger and Britney, there always seems to be more to have or desire. And the ongoing quest for it blinds us from the peace we could experience with a simpler life, from the joy found not in possessions but in relationships with the people who fill our lives.
Christmas is a just one week away. This season, more than any, offers the promise of peace and joy. May we refrain from the last minute activities that will prevent us from receiving it and stop long enough to soak it in.
Merry Christmas!
Today, at the seasoned age of 8, Connie’s mom and an army of marketers have capitalized on her talent - and innocence. She has recorded several CDs, her own PBS holiday special, a jewelry line, video games and more.
Watching this child’s performance I couldn’t hold back my cynicism. “Hmm,” I said loudly. “I wonder where we’ll be seeing this little girl in 10 years.”
I hate to be a naysayer, but I’m tired of watching kids skyrocket to fame when they should be focused on growing up, and then struggling through adulthood with life-threatening addictions because they didn’t.
I envisioned Britney Spears, dripping with money, spoiled beyond imagine, and utterly miserable.
She had the means to go anywhere, do anything and buy whatever pleased her at any moment. When she was on tour, Spears was known to send her jet across country to secure coffee from her favorite L.A. coffee shop.
Her money could buy her a beautiful body, clothes, hair and toys, but it couldn’t deliver the one thing she needed most: peace.
Tiger Woods is the most recent childhood superstar whose life built on a seemingly indestructible fortress of sporting excellence is crumbling. I have been a Tiger fan for years, so learning the truth about the man behind the image has been a real disappointment.
To be fair, Tiger earned his reputation by being the best golfer on Earth not for his insights on character, family or values. Fans like me inferred, with the help of sponsors and promoters, the all-around “good guy” image we wanted to believe was part of the package.
What’s most disturbing about Tiger is the commentary he offers on human nature. All the respect, admiration, goodwill, trophies, praise and money he earned were somehow not enough. He had a gorgeous wife, two adorable kids and still sought to fulfill the unmet needs of his ego or sex drive with random female acquaintances.
It’s tempting to condemn the likes of Tiger and Britney for their failures and extravagances, and I have. Yet it occurs to me we are all a bit like them.
In many of our families, we juggle two careers or multiple jobs to afford bigger homes, nicer furniture, fancier cars. We invest heavily in ourselves and search for more toys or gifts or activities to make our kids happy. We strive for promotions and awards, often climbing the professional ladder on the backs of our family and friends.
Rarely do we say, “Now we have enough.” Like Tiger and Britney, there always seems to be more to have or desire. And the ongoing quest for it blinds us from the peace we could experience with a simpler life, from the joy found not in possessions but in relationships with the people who fill our lives.
Christmas is a just one week away. This season, more than any, offers the promise of peace and joy. May we refrain from the last minute activities that will prevent us from receiving it and stop long enough to soak it in.
Merry Christmas!
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