This summer, I got in a big tussle with my husband Mike over the planning and coordinating of household projects and personal schedules. I can’t really remember the details. What I do remember is the tension that filled our car as all of us drove out to a friend’s lake cabin to spend one of the few beautiful Saturdays of the summer.
Traveling east out of Bismarck, I knew I needed to apologize, but I dreaded doing it and wasn’t sure how to start. Finally, I just said, “I’m sorry.” Just a few minutes after uttering those words the scuffle was over, the tension was gone. We were free to enjoy the rest of a fun day. What a relief.
This story had a happy ending largely because of the mercy Mike readily offered to me.
I’ve been thinking about mercy lately and what a desirable trait it is.
Mercy is vital to parenting, and hard to come by sometimes like at bedtime with overtired children who won’t give their overtired mom a break by going to sleep peacefully. Or with little boys who insist on wrestling in Target or Perkins or the pews in church. Or with a four-year-old who talks REALLY LOUD all the time to be sure he’s heard in the event he is interrupted (which he often is.)
Parents need a fountain of mercy to nurture the clumsy, compulsive, curious and tender hearts of their kids.
Mercy is also essential to good marriages and friendships. Everyone screws up and does things that are mean, selfish or arrogant at times. For any relationship to last and grow, mercy from both people involved must be in steady supply.
Perhaps one of the areas where mercy is most lacking today is in relationships with ourselves. We are ruthless in our personal judgments, obsessing on our physical flaws or financial shortcomings -- our nose is too big, hips are too wide, chest is too small, house is too modest, clothes are too dated. We dwell on mistakes we’ve made or compare ourselves to others who appear to be more put together or accomplished.
We can be merciless on ourselves for our failures or differences.
Considering how important mercy is in our lives, it’s too bad this trait isn’t more popularly pursued. Mercy sounds sort of old fashioned and “churchy” -- something you might read in the Bible or hear about on Sundays not something to cultivate like discipline, youth, or wealth.
Perhaps that’s because being merciful really challenges us. It doesn’t always come naturally and some might equate being merciful to being weak. It’s tough being merciful because it forces us to be humble and overlook distasteful faults in ourselves and others.
Mercy comes from those who are secure, compassionate and brave. How different our world and our community would be if we challenged ourselves to be more merciful with each other every day, at home, at work, with our colleagues and competitors, friends and enemies and with ourselves.
Insecurities might fade. Grudges and petty judgments would disappear. We would all be more free – free to enjoy what’s good in others and ourselves. What a relief.
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