Wrinkles of Life Add Meaning

My birthday party was over, so I released the remaining balloon off the deck of the beautiful Oahe Ranch overlooking the Missouri River. As I watched it float away the writing on the balloon struck me for the first time.

40! That balloon said 40.

I’ve thoroughly enjoyed harassing all of my siblings and many friends on their 40^th birthdays. Grim Reapers, wheel chairs, Rogaine, Viagra -- I delighted in every “Over the Hill” cliché I could find.

So, as my 40^th birthday approached, I expected to feel some dread or sadness. Oddly enough, I’m amazed to realize I’m completely fine with it.

Don’t get me wrong -- the drawbacks of aging are undeniable. My back and neck ache from the slightest change of pillow or chair. I have to die my hair back to its natural color at much more frequent intervals. And I find myself buying goops and potions that promise to keep me young.

But these physical challenges and the passing of my youth aren’t at the top of my mind. What I’m noticing are the benefits of growing older.

I have much greater clarity about my strengths and weaknesses and what value I might add to this world. I still don’t have a sheet of goals or a “bucket list” for middle age, but I think I understand where and how I might make a difference.

This clarity comes in handy for prioritizing tasks and making choices. I can embrace new projects that fit my values and say “no” with much less guilt.

Similarly, gone are the grandiose expectations of youth that I must be good at everything I touch. At 40, I’m much better at celebrating the good and the gifts in others than I was at age 30 or even 35. Rather than doing everything myself, I can recognize when to hire or delegate someone better to do it.

I might suffer from more back aches today, but my backbone is much stronger. I’m not afraid to stand up for things that matter to me, even when it isn’t fashionable or popular or the same as other people whose opinion counts.

That’s nice too – realizing whose opinion counts and being able to ignore those who don’t.

But one of the most amazing gifts of age is the depth it gives to relationships. My husband and I invited some friends to join us last weekend for a birthday party. These people drove from far and wide and arranged care for dozens of children to attend -- a touching expression of friendship.

As I looked around the room, I saw people who stood by me at high school graduation, at college parties, or on the alter at our wedding. We have celebrated new life, sobbed at death, and laughed ourselves to tears on many occasions.

We aren’t as pretty as we once were. Like the Velveteen Rabbit, our hair has worn off in places and our bodies are getting lumpy. But these people and other dear friends and family are real, and the history I have with them is precious.

Relationships are the most fulfilling part of life, and the passing of time adds amazing color to relationships we share. This is perhaps the greatest gift of growing older.

Our culture is obsessed with physical beauty and staying young, but like so many cultural promises, this too is an empty one.

The clarity, experience and meaningful relationships that come with age are far more valuable. Worth every wrinkle.