During college, my friend and roommate at UND’s Selke Hall was struggling to adjust to campus life during her freshman year. We tried a variety of things to perk her up, but nothing seemed to work. She was hopelessly homesick.
At one point I was out of ideas and tired of her blue attitude. I blurted out in frustration, “Schultzie, sometimes when you aren’t happy you just have to fake it until you are.”
Happiness can be an elusive pursuit. People seek it in many ways –through spending or saving, drugs or alcohol, working incessantly or not at all. It can be the rational for marriage or divorce, caring for others or focusing on purely selfish pursuits.
Some people who seem to have everything, are perpetually miserable. Others have very little or have experienced repeated, dramatic loss and yet continue to face the world with a smile. What a puzzle.
Last week I received a video about an Australian man with no arms and legs. He can swim, cook, get up and down stairs and live independently. He has every reason to be angry and dejected about his life – to roll in the misery of life without limbs.
But he’s chosen instead a good attitude and strong faith, and that has propelled him out of the wheelchair and into a fully engaged, inspiring life.
Happiness is the subject of volumes of research and books. Some people assume that our temperament is prewired and there’s little we can do about it. Research rebukes this.
In one recent study conducted in England, scientists examined 900 sets of twins and concluded that genetics accounts for about 50 percent of happiness. The remaining 50 percent is related to environmental factors like relationships and careers. In other words, half of our disposition comes from choices that we control.
Research also shows that people’s actions aren’t so much a product of their mood as much as their mood is a product of their actions. The simple act of being nice, cheerful, and optimistic can improve your mood and your happiness.
Writer Gretchen Rubin spent a year experimenting with theories on happiness. Her book, The Happiness Project, is an account of her year. On her blog and website, www.happiness-project.com, she explores factors contributing to happiness and offers tips for people to pursue their own happiness project.
Her 12 personal commandments offer some concepts worth considering. I particularly like her pledge to lighten up, let it go, enjoy the process, and of course, act the way you want to feel.
She emphasizes this again in what she calls Four Splendid Truths of Adulthood. “One of the best ways to make yourself happy is to make other people happy; One of the best ways to make other people happy is to be happy yourself.”
There are many strategies for happiness. For me, the most effective and lasting one begins on my knees. But sometimes, that knee-jerk advice to my friend when we were teenagers is the first step. Treat others kindly, put on a smile and before long it might very well be real.
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